Tuesday, January 18. 2011
You don’t write because you want to say something; you write because you’ve got something to say.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
I originally wrote this as the second semester's opening prompt (think Great Expectations from way back in August 2010). Since you're leaving the class, however, I see no harm in letting you tackle the prompt on your way out!
Drawing from one of the "Major Themes" listed below, think of something you’ve wanted - really wanted - to tell a person, but haven’t said yet. Perhaps you intend to do so someday; perhaps you never will. What would you say, and why would – or wouldn’t – you say it someday? (You may identify the person you'd speak to, but it's not a requirement.)
This post is due at 11:59pm on Friday, January 22nd, and must be school-appropriate! Your post should be at least two seven-sentence paragraphs long, and punctuation, grammar, mechanics, and thoughtfulness all count towards your grade. Compose your replies carefully!
This post is worth a maximum of ten extra-credit points. You cannot lose points from your overall grade on this assignment, but your mark will reflect your effort and your finished product.
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My ambitions and dreams have been beaten and bruised. Mom, I know that you only want what’s best for me, and that you try to create for me the best future possible, but I have my own dreams too. When I was a child of ten, you put a saxophone in my hands, and told me to play. In the same year, you put a guitar in my hands and taught me to strum. As I grew older, I developed my own passion for music that began none other than with you. What is wrong with taking something I was taught, and putting it to good use? Now, that I’m all grown up, and I’m trying to take that passion somewhere, my biggest supporter has transformed into my greatest obstacle.
Mom, you aren’t just another individual that I can work hard and show up, you are my family, and to lose familial acceptance is something almost too hard to bear. How many times have I exploded in protest to my ambitions being shattered as more and more music began to vanish from my life as a direct result of parental tyranny? As I grow older, shouldn’t I have more freedom-Even, the freedom to choose my ambitions? A dream isn’t something you develop, just to put aside conveniently and look back upon. Mother, you helped shape my dream, and I don’t blame you for trying to cut it short in the attempt to join the ranks of the cookie-cutter Asian doctors and lawyers, but I am asking you to understand where I am coming from. No matter what the end result is, I still think of you as my mother.
You use to be so sweet and friendly. But I was always sour to you. I don’t know why, and I still don’t know why, I was so sour to you. You soon turned bitter as you turned away. And now when I look back, I wonder if I could’ve been a little sweeter. Maybe I should’ve been a little sweeter to guide your way, like a trail of cookie crumbs leading you out of the darkness the woods casted over you. I wanted to help, but instead I caused hurt. Now I don’t see you, hear you, or talk to you anymore.
You had a glowing smile. You wore bright clothing. You were cheerful and upbeat despite what I’ve heard about your home life. You were a trouble maker, but in a fun way that would make everyone else smile. The smiles disappeared. The clothes got darker and darker. The disappearing acts got more and more common. I didn’t notice, and maybe I should’ve noticed.
You’ve disappeared to the vastness of life. Looking back now, I wonder if it was right for me to be so sour. You use to be sweet but I might have turned you bitter with my sourness. Perhaps I was the one who made your smile disappear. Perhaps I was the one who made your disappearing act get more and more common.
The time to turn back and step back to you is long gone. We’ve taken separate paths. When I look behind me, I no longer see you. But I still wish for a day, where I can turn around and see you there, and ask you that question that I’ve always wanted to ask you. Did you ever………?
I met you seven years ago. When I had just lost someone important to me, you were there for me. When I was having problems, you were there to listen to me. You gave me advice and you helped me through the hard times. We often talked about our dreams and goals. You told me about your family, and you taught me things I never even considered.
But five years later, we started to drift apart. I didn't go anywhere but the wheels started to push you forward. You went to school in Los Angeles and worked in Asia. Later that year, you decided to move to Asia in order to work more and pursue your dreams while attending school there. We talked less and less and February 14 2010, was the last time I heard from you.
When I suddenly stopped hearing from you, I was bitter for a couple weeks. You, who I loved, admired and cared for so much, just disappeared without a word. I still remember that day. You promised we would talked again in a week, you said that I could email you whenever and you would always be there. But you lied. I couldn't email you anymore because it failed every time I tried. And you never contacted me again after.
You have gone to pursue your dream, while I am here. I try in school so that when we do talk again, you will be proud of who I have become. Because we live in different worlds, have different traditions and different goals, I will be the one to step up this time and catch up to you. You mean more to me than you can ever imagine, and one day, we will be able to laugh and smile together again.
No matter how annoying I think you (my brothers) are, I will always love and care about them. I know that a majority of the time I want to beat you up, I will always be there for you. I don’t like to admit it, but just know that deep down inside I care about you a lot. I actually like that we’ve been getting along lately, it just means you are growing up and that you are less annoying. Thank you, mom, for everything that you have done for me. You’ve been there for me through everything. Thank you for all of the love, support, financial support, care, and so much more. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if you weren’t there for me. I know I can be stubborn and disrespectful. But not matter what, I appreciate everything you have done and continue to do for me. I love you.
I faced the same misfortune three times in the past several months. Yeah, no doubt it sucks, but I’ve learned not to forget and move on, but to cherish what i was blessed with in my life and continue living as a better and stronger person. Of course it is all right to feel sad, but life isn’t going to pause for you and sympathize. You just have to keep your chin up and not allow anything to deter you from the great person you know you are.
I have also learned that almost everyone is dealing with some sort of calamity, regardless of the severity. So please, be nice to everyone you encounter. You have no idea what they’re going through. Thank you, Mr. Feraco, for sharing your words of wisdom with me. Thanks to all my friends, for being the greatest friends, even from across the nation. Thanks to kind strangers, for alleviating my despondence with your unnecessary kindness. Last but not least, thank you grandmother, for the incessant love you’ve provided me. Forever and always.
I have a really close friend, one I’ve had since elementary school. She’s absolutely brilliant and amazing. She’s dependable, reliable…kind and generous. There’s just one thing. She’s a liar. For a few years now, I’ve wanted to confront her about this. It’s not that she lies about homework or gossip. Perhaps a better way of wording this is by calling her a pretender. I still remember vividly when she adamantly refused to conform, hardly caring about the way she dressed or acted. Now, all I hear from her is a forced laugh, a demure smile, and an overall too-kind persona. I’ve been her friend since the fourth grade; I can tell the difference between her being carefree and her being secretive. I may sound like I don’t actually like her, but I still do. There are times when glimpses of her original personality shine through. It may have been the influence of high school—peer pressure—that caused her to change. When I talk to her, I can no longer hold immature conversations with her, conversations that I find funny and unique. Now, our exchanges are typically about her appearance and insecurities.
I, too, have my own insecurities. I want to confront her about her change, but I fear that it will be a fatal blow to our friendship. In the past few months, I noticed that we’re no longer as close as we used to be. We’ve drifted apart despite having a class that once bonded my best friends and me together. Just giving up nine years of friendship because of a single confrontation is a sacrifice I’m not ready to make. I’ve essentially grown up with her; we’re like sisters. I desperately want to prevent her downward spiral into a shallow human being, one who merely judges through appearances, but this confrontation may be the last exchange we’ll ever make. Still, I feel that I’ll eventually gather enough courage to confront her. For now, however, I’m simply not ready.
I have this close friend who I have known for years. The thing is I don’t like how he constantly lies, exaggerates, and changes things to his own benefit. I’m not the only one to notice it, but I don’t think he realizes that it’s wrong to do that when he might be tearing down others to bring himself up. Every time he tells a story he makes himself look better and better. How do I know? I’m usually in the story (and therefore know the truth) and I hear him tell the story differently to every different person. Honestly, it’s not a huge deal to me because I usually say what I want but he’s a good friend and I don’t want to create any tension between us but if push came to shove…
I would definitely tell him to stop lying when he’s asked a question because honestly that’s really annoying particularly when the person asking already knows the truth. I also would confront him about exaggerating all of his stories just so people are surprised or more in awe. It’s really annoying because he does it just for attention and a lot of my friends and I know it. Once he’s talked to I’m confident that he’d stop exaggerating and lying so much but I think it would also hurt him a lot. However, I feel that telling him about the problems I have with him would help him mature. I don’t intend on telling him but I hope someday someone else will. I just don’t want to be the one to tell him because it might destroy our friendship.
You're a returner! Your thread is the one below this one.
“Sometimes I still feel that you may be colorblind.” – Amjay
Why do you neglect me? Why do you respond with such distaste? Silence. Utter silence. That is all I ever hear. Every time I have to see you, I honestly do not understand why, but I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not having a genuine smile on my face when I say hello. I feel guilty for caring too little for someone who I should care a deep amount for. I feel guilty for not loving enough.
The solemn look on your face has engraved itself into your facial expression and it never changes. You never change. You still stick to the bad habits that have driven you to deep corners of depression and continue to neglect everything important to you; yet, you never learned from your mistakes. I have had my share of mistakes and I do not always learn from them all the time, but you have had years to shape yourself. Time has passed and you grown but you lack the maturity to open your eyes to the truth; you need to move on. I want you to move on. It sound selfish of me but I want to have conversations about you with people but not because of the flaws you have committed, but of how genuine and kind-hearted of a person you are.
Sometimes I do not even understand why I feel so bitter towards you. Is it because you always promise you would change, or is it because you never changed. I rarely look straight into your eyes because I fear you will through my transparent body and understand how I feel. I really care for you and so I will wait for you. In the end, I hope you will hear my silent screams as they pray for you to see through.
Well I also have this friend that I have been friends with ever since the beginning day of high school. He also lies a lot and exaggerates like crazy. Whenever we talk, he keeps lying and keeps on telling me the wrong information. Even though he does not tell me that he is lying, I know for sure because it does not make sense. He is shorter than me and thinks he benches more than me. I definitely do not believe him. I even tell people about him and they even say he does not bench that much and cannot even bench half that. I don’t know. He might actually bench that much but I don’t think so. I do not want to keep on writing more negative things about this person, but we are friends and I plan to continue being friends with him for a while.
The thing I want to tell him is to just stop lying. I think as he lies, he even makes himself believe himself. I kind of sometimes tell him I do not believe but do not want to get into it with him so we can continue being friends. I also think that he has been lying for so long, that he cannot help himself from continuing his lying ways. I hope that one day I would get the nerve to tell him that everything that he has ever told me is a lie and that I do not believe. Even though I think that would ruin our friendship, I think it would help him in the future and that he will think before he speaks. Or if I do not man up and tell him, I hope that someone else will tell him so that we can keep our friendship.
P.S.: Colin, I read your story and it reminded me of my friend who has kind of the same problem. It reminded me of him right when I read your first sentence.
You are the reason i try so hard, to prove you wrong. I can be anything i want to be. I know you want me to make money and be rich, but i dont care about that. i just want to be happy. You put me down when i make the same mistakes you make and No one can make me feel as bad as you can. I am starting my life and i know i dont know everything but you dont either. i just want you to know that everything i do is so i become something great, whether it be in my dancing career or being a teacher. I dont need to make tons of money to be happy. i just want to love my job. I wish i could tell you how much your words hurt and how scared i am to tell you how i feel. i just want you to be proud of me mom.
My parents have never been the type to push me to my full potential, nobody in my family does. I suppose it's because I come from a family that is pretty laid back, not a lot of fancy college graduates, if that makes sense. In a way I am glad that there isn't a lot of pressure on me to succeed. I don't have the extra stress on me from worrying that I have to reach a certain level or standard for them, there's no bar. But maybe the stress would've been worth it. What is a parents job? To let your children be "good enough", or as good as you are? Because I only reached this level, my child probably won't get any further, there's no point to try and push him. Struggle brings wisdom right? Wisdom, intelligence, success. That's a logical statement to make. Well it's a little late now. I guess the only thing to do at this point is to take the reigns myself. Soon I will be 18, what better time to start making big things happen for myself than now. So I guess if there was something I could say, it wouldn't just be said to my parents. "You should have pushed me harder." We have to play with the cards we're dealt. I can't be angry at them. If I am able to make it without the parental motivation, then it would be all the more meaningful. I want to tell everyone. I mean more than just my name, another average/lazy/underachiever/invisible person. I just want to find something I'm successful at. I want to be able to have people look up to me and say damn man, how do you do it? Because I think that's the best feeling. That you mean something to people. That you aren't worthless. So whether it be through music, medicine or making money, I just want to tell you all, "I did it."
I'm just wondering why? Why would you hurt me the way you did. Why did you give me so much pain, why did you leave me depressed throughout my high school years? I wonder all the time why you would let me in, and tell me all your secrets to only push me away. I know I'm only human and I make mistakes sometimes, but still.... maybe you couldn't forgive me anymore, maybe my imperfections caught up to you, maybe you found someone better. I bet you don't know how much I was in pain, or how much I cried over you. For over a year I was depressed, I never spoke, never laughed, the life inside of me was sucked out completely. You don't know how many times I tried to move on, or how many times I let oppotunities pass me by. You don't know how much you held me back, whenever I tried to start over. You were the one I put first in my life; you came before anything else, and maybe that's my fault. Even through all the good times we had, and all the things you taught me, I guess the greatest thing you taught me was to not trust in anyone fully, because they can turn on you in a second, and cause so much pain. Thanks, I mean I don't hate you, I don't want revenge, All I ever wanted was an explanation, but I guess I'll never get it.
One thing in my life that I would want to get over is this.^ I feel that the person I was before the break, was so much more different. He was a happier person, a person full of life, and ready to go out and enjoy everything. I just feel that this took a lot of my life. For anyone who would ever be in this position, I just want them to know that they shouldn't keep dwelling on it. The more you think about, the more it grows and stays on you. Have a moment to think, but then know that you gotta move on. We're all still young and full of life, we have so much more to look forward to. Even though things may never be the same, make it a good thing. A time for a change, it can be a good thing. I know that I need to go over this bump, because I have things to do, dreams to accomplish. Things may be hard, but don't ever dwell in the past. Even in the movie Inception, the main character, Cobb dwell too much on what happened to his wife. Because of that he has images of her in his head, haunting him, and sabatoging his life. So please understand that we have to let go, and maybe someday and hopefully very soon, we'll all find that smile that we once lost.
Since this is my last post on the blog, I would just like to say thank you very much Mr. Feraco. Even though the work was hard and strenuous I believe the lessons I've learned were well worth it. Maybe someday we shall meet again, but until then as you would say, " I will see you on the other side."
I would be restlessly drafting for the new project-a highway bridge that run on top of a city freeway. My pencil and eraser would run against each other on a blue drafting paper. The measurements are printed in my head. I use ruler to measure every little space and distances between lines and uses protractor to tract every angle between adjacent lines. I know that few millimeters off on the draft could make a huge difference on the real construction. Sit back in my seat, I close my eyes for a moment. Every little concrete detail of the blueprint of a bridge would be vividly shown in my mind. I recall the structure, quickly determine the color, material, and shape for every part of the bridge and draw down my ideas on the draft. I could see the bridge perfectly fit across the highway. I could see cars driving on it freely and rapidly. I could see this design will make a huge improvement to the city highway system, and I- a graduate from USC Engineering School (hopefully) -would be most suited for the job. I would be happy that the knowledge and enlightens he acquired from my college could one day help me to bring good changes to the world. I would draw down the last few lines on the draft, and took a deep breath with satisfaction.
This is what I have always dreamt of since I was in middle school: to become a civil engineer. This is a goal I have always been trying to achieve. However, I will not achieve my goal if my parents did not bring me to America and receive the great education. I want to thank you, mom and dad, for taking care of me and love me ever since I was born. I know it is hard for you to let go of me. In your eyes, I will always be the little kid that follows you everywhere. I remember the wonderful moments and happy times with you guys, and it is also hard for me to leave you. But when birds grow up they fly and make their own nest and when tigers have strong claws they leave the family and find its own food; I am a grown up now, I will be able to handle my own life. My ambition lies before me and waiting for me to reach it; it is big and hard to achieve, but I have to try my best and do it on my own. Once again, thank you, mom and dad! I love you guys forever and ever.
I have a friend who has an excuse for everything. It’s come to the point where I can’t even count on her for anything anymore because she never comes through. She has an excuse for everything. They don’t even sound real anymore, they just sound like they were made up from the top of her head. At first I was fine with it because I thought it was just her parents being overprotective and didn’t want to let her go anywhere, but it seems more like she just doesn’t want to do the things with me. She’s told me stories about how she’s done things with other people, but then when I ask if she wants to do something, she makes up some kind of excuse. It makes me think about if any of her stories were even true or just some made up thing so that she could sound cool, but instead of sounding interesting and cool, she just sounds like she’s trying too hard. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do and I’ve tried bringing this up, but I don’t want to sound like I’m just paranoid and that I don’t trust her. I’ve heard so many excuses from her that they just don’t sound like the truth anymore and I don’t want a friend who lies to me even if the truth hurts. It really sucks to lose a friend, but I’m not sure if I want to hear any more excuses. I’d like someone who I can rely on.
When we think of loss, we think of losing something or someone like our family. She imagines think about loss, I think about all the time I lost in school by wishing it was over. I lost the time I could have been enjoying and cherishing time in school thinking about all the work I got and that I couldn't wait to be out of school. I lost time that I was taking for granted, the time spent with my friends, even in my classes. I lost happiness by thinking of future happiness. I lived in the future rather than the present. I was getting ready to live, but never living. I have also lost the precious time in search for human potential always thinking about the work pile on my head. I cherished this class and the teacher, but there is so much more to embrace that I just lost. The year is not even over yet and I have already lost so many things. When I leave school in a few months I will lose friends like everyone does, but I will also lose the people in my classes, the people I didn't have strong bonds with, and the moments up shared with everyone, no matter if they were my friends or not. I will lose the things some want to leave behind. Some things I have never told anyone is, that whenever I make friends with someone, no matter how little I know them, I want to spend more time with them and be best friends. Even people in my classes that only talk to me, I would want to spend time with them outside of school on on weekends. When someone talks to me in class but doesn't have free time on the weekends to spend time with me, I feel that I will lose them in the future. Whatever little time I talked with them, I feel I will lose because we will drift away in the unless we make an effort not to. I wouldn't tell anyone this because they may judge me and not want anything to do with me at all, but if I knew the person was understanding in this perspective, I would let the know. I will miss all you guys no matter how little time I spent with you. I have lost my past time, but hopefully gain a bright future.
Someday I intend to find someone whom I can share life with. I don’t know that person yet, but I know that there is a fish in the sea for me and I just have to find her. I want to say the uniting words “will you marry me” and become one. When times are tuff she will help me get through them and on the same end I can help her. When I come home from work, I want us to look into each others eyes and know our love will never fade. I believe that we should be in a lot of relationships so that we will find what we want out of our partner, to know what we need out of that person. For our relationship to be strong I will try my hardest to make her happy, so that we will never have trust issues that will break us apart.
I know before I meet that perfect someone I will date a lot of women that are that next step closer to my perfect someone. My parents for example met in high school and then soon after got married and had me. They were young and thought they were in love; not knowing what they had got them selves into they soon had fights and got divorced. I feel that they didn’t wait for the right person to come along and they made a mistake. My parents have since gotten remarried and have finally found their life partners, I hope. Love is a strong thing that can mess with minds but ultimately everyone needs to have that feeling of companionship.
Why do I still care? I’ve gone through the years and experienced the same over and over yet every time I see a speck of hope I hold onto it like my life depends on it, but it’s always the same. I’m tired of caring, I want to completely detach myself from you, I feel like I have, I’ve learned to not care about your words or actions towards me, yet I feel like I’m not bouncing them off me I’m simply burying them and storing them for another time. A time when I’ve filled myself with so much hurt that I finally crack, and then the cycle starts all over. I’m tired of it; I resent you for it, why can’t you just do what is expected of you? I’m angry and disappointed I want to get away because sometimes I feel like you’re the root of my problems. You’re the cloud on my sun and I need a tan, bad. I’ve realized what the future holds for us and I try to convince myself that I don’t care but if that was true I wouldn’t hope the way I do. I’m tired of hoping for a change from you it obviously isn’t going to happen I just can’t seem to get the memo. Yet I know every cloud has a silver lining, that’s that you’ve at least shown me who I absolutely don’t want to be.
The motor scooter is fired up. This warm summer afternoon in Cabo has the makings of an adventurous day. Taco Loco, the scrumptious fish taco stand in downtown Cabo, is sending a message…it is time. As we hit the high way, it is always with a little bit of trepidation as we head out on the high way on the motor scooter with you at the wheel and myself as the passenger. What we did not realize is that on this particular Saturday afternoon the wind would be howling and the cars and trucks would be passing us, at what seemed, a high rate of speed. It was the combination however, of the wind whipping us around the highway and the trucks jetting past us; far to close in proximity. More than once on this fifteen-mile excursion, I truly thought our lives were in danger. Perhaps it was going through this frightening experience together with you dad that draws me to want to share with you some of my dreams and ambitions for my life. In the past I have not shared these dreams with many because I am always afraid of being judged or that the individual would throw “cold water” on my future plans. I am sharing these with you because you have earned my trust and our relationship is such that I am confident that you will offer me encouragement and hope. So dad, I envision myself entering and completing a rigorous master of business administration program after I earning my Bachelor’s degree. I want to work my way up in a company that is producing goods that I both have an interest in and that serve society well. Most of all, I want to take my academic and professional experiences and become an entrepreneur. I want to combine all that I have learned in school, the experiences that I will develop in the work world, my ability to communicate well with others, and my leadership skills to effectively start and lead my own business. I have realized from you the importance of immersing myself with energy and passion in a profession that I truly love. I want very much like you to look forward to going to work each day using my skills and abilities to contribute in a positive manner to those around me. Look forward to speaking to you soon.
For all my life I've been allowed to let loose and follow my dreams. Whatever I wanted to do, my parents would back me up and be behind every decision I make. From the young age of six, my father was the one who introduced me to the game of baseball. Without him, I never would have realized my love and ambition for the game. He's been there for me through it all; as a coach, as a friend, as a teacher, and most importantly as a father. I never realized how much he has done for me until this year. Looking back at all the years, he's been there for me no matter what the situation is. His birthday was just yesterday and I realized that this might possibly be one of the last times celebrating his birthday with him while living in the same home with him. He's been there for me through love, hate, success, failure, and so much more. I hope to one day be able to be the one to help him out, when he's in need.
When senior year began, I never realized how quickly it would just pass me up. With only one semester left, I plan to use everything that I've learned from your class to succeed in the future. Honestly, if I could take your class second semester, I would. Even though everyone complains about the work load given, I think it's worth it. You taught me about identity, to be yourself and no one else. To never cease to learn, because knowledge is infinite. To be independent, to not be a burden on those around you. To love, because it's one of the greatest things humans have to offer. And to live, you need to be secure. Those five things will continue to change throughout my life and those five traits define you person.
I hate to say the truth to you, but everyone need to learn how to face the truth. I know you like to daydream, because daydream brings you happiness. You always try to avoid the truth whenever you can. You hate people to repeat telling the truth to you, because you know what will happen once you know the truth. I just want to say that escape is not the best way to let you feel right, or in another word, escape is the worst way, because although escape will bring you the happy feeling you want, but it can’t last forever. If you need to face it now, you escaped it doesn’t mean you don’t have to face it later. So why don’t you just do it right now, don’t put it as the last thing you going to do on you to do list. It will just bring more pains to you, I don’t want you to hurt it once again. There is only one path, although its full of difficulties, but its the only way you can get to the place you want.
I hate to hide secrets from you, but secrets are harmful once you know it. I know we are really close, and I know I can tell you everything. However, you don’t have the responsibility to take the pains from me. If I don’t tell it to you, it means I can handle it myself or I don’t want anyone to know about it except me. So don’t ask me what happened when I am look upset. I always thought you understand me, and you don’t need to ask what happened, because you know I will say; nothing is wrong, I am okay. Sometimes, life is just too difficult to step over, and sometimes, you are the only one can step over to it. If I can tell you the secrets that I tried very hard to hide from you, it means those secrets are harmful and will even hurts me more if I told you. So I hope next you will not ask me what happened again, just observe my face and my emotions closely, you will feel what I am feeling right now.
My best friend, I know you care about me, but I do, too.
Thank you, Mr. Feraco
I met my best friend in 5th year of my elementary school when I was still living in Korea. I was a shy transfer student while he was an outgoing and smart guy. One day, he approached to me, and from that moment, we became close friends. We played soccer together every lunch time, played starcraft after school, studied for tests together, and talk about our life together. As we entered middle school, however, I was informed by my parents that our family is moving to America for my education and my father's business. I was upset to leave my close friend in Korea, but we promised that we will keep in touch and have fun when I visit Korea every summer.
Though I enjoy meeting him every summer, I have always noticed him changing. Once outgoing and academically outstanding student, he is now a friend uninterested in even applying to colleges. We have been leading different paths of life ever since I moved to Arcadia, and the difference between us seemingly increases every year. However, the bond we formed through our friendship is strong enough to let us stay as trusting and comfortable friends despite our changes. I hate to see him straying off from leading moral life path. However, I want to tell him that whoever he becomes, I will always respect him and be his supporter even when everyone neglects him.
The person whom I have the biggest concern of is my dad. Even though he constantly annoys me and gets mad at things for no reason, I still wish the best for him. My dad smokes and drinks, a lot. My house in Taipei would always be filled with this cigarette smell every day. Whenever we go outside, he smokes. Whenever we go eat at a restaurant, he smokes. Whenever we go shopping, he smokes. However, this is not the worst part of him; he is really alcoholic. Every month or two, he would disappear for days drinking, and he would always come back drunk and lie on the bed for days. Because all these things have already happened ever since I can remember, I thought it is normal for a father to act this way for years. Some days after I got out of school, I would ask my mom, “where’s dad,” and she would say, “Gone drinking again.” “Oh, I see.” For some reason, this seemed normal to me when I was a kid.
The weirdest part about all these is that every time my dad went to take a thorough health test, the result is always VERY HEALTHY. However, now that he is more than 50 years old, I think he should not act the same way as he did when he was 20. I want to tell him that he needs to take better care of himself more because one day his body is not going to be able to consume all these bad habits. However, I rarely see him now after I moved to America. He has work in Taiwan, and I have school here. Because of my immigration, the relationship between my dad and me has also grown distant. I just want to tell him that he needs to cut back on the smoking and the drinking. (not to mention his crazy driving skill and road-rage XD)
Thank you Mr. Feraco for this great semester of SFHP. I will definitely see you around.
Although we're not full-blood siblings, I still consider you as my brother. You haven't been there for half of my life but I forgive you. You have a life of your own. You don't exactly get along with my parents. I know and I understand. You're flawed and misunderstood, but you're brilliant. Jim, you are the person who has shaped me for the better. I would never be as strong as I am now without you. You taught me how to base my decisions on future happiness. You're the only person who fully understands where I'm coming from and what I'm thinking.
You may not be around all the time, but I know you're only a phone call away when I need you the most. I want to thank you for being there for me. Thank you for understanding every heart-wrenching breakup, painful family argument, and tear-jerking decision. Thank you for giving me a place to stay when I have nowhere to go. You helped me build a strong foundation for myself; you helped me find myself. We may not look like each other in the least bit, but I will always have your greatest traits. I guess that's where out distinctive personalities and humor comes from: dad. Despite what happens to us in the future, I want you to know that I love you. I know I haven't said it to you in person, but I will someday. I promise.
Sometimes, I want to keep in my bed forever to have no concern. Someone may think I tend to avoid problems; rather, I think I am trying my best to obey my responsibilities, and duties since what I do everyday is not what I want. Parents’ expectation, the competition of society, and the development of education push us to study more since they might think a high-salary job is the guarantee of our happiness. However, I am not happy about my life, and I am not willing to angle for any accomplishment that I do not want. I want to run my own life. Even though I might get tripped in some steps if I chose my own life, I would not regret my choice since I can experience each step on what I want to do.
I always think to do what I like in my life is a blissful thing. I do not want to compare with other people, I do not want to work hard on my math, I do not want to have reputation or fortunes in the future. I want to have a peaceful and prosaic life.
Some people keep away from noisy and competitions of cities, and they would rather choose to go to a tranquil country to have a peaceful life. Some people might consider this action as an escape, but I think it is one of our ways to spend our life. Maybe most of people want to have experienced as many as possible events, accomplishments in their lives, but there are still some people who desire to have an ordinary and quiet life. Like me, I want to have a life like that. I want to go to a place where people are simple, and surroundings are peaceful without fame or money. I can find a job that does not have to be high-salary, but enough for me; most of the time, I can enjoy the nature, and accordance with people.
I still regret not accepting your offer. To this day, I remember how I chose to refuse you. I justify my behavior by saying that I was not as mature as you, and that I still had a lot more to learn. Yet, somewhere in me, I knew I was wrong. I regret not only that I refused you, but also the fact that I didn't really talk to you after. It's not that I don't like you. It's that I felt so far inferior and I didn't know what to do with myself. Now, I know that I should not hold onto this feeling of regret, and I'm trying to turn it into a learning experience. Sorry for never apologizing.
To another person:
I know that I should forgive you. It would be good for both of us. Yet, it's so much easier to just run away. I wanted to leave for years, but I realized why it's not possible. I see what you did, and I see how things didn't work out. I know that I'm not exactly the same, but I might face similar consequences. So, I don't think I'll ever forgive you with all my heart, but I won't shut you completely out of my life. The damage has been done, and it's irreversible, but the least I can do is not add more pain. I doubt you'll ever know what we all sacrificed for you, but life goes on. You can continue to ignore the world and live in your own little bubble, but I want more than that for myself. I will take advantage of the opportunities that come my way, with or without your support.
Ever since I was little I had not seen that man in my life. The word “Father” seems meaningless, when it comes to my life. I have always wondered: where he is. What he’s doing. And what he looks like. But these wonders remain as questions in my mind. I have never asked my mother about these questions because I know it brings her sadness. There was one day when I had a dream about my father. In my dream, he was approaching me from afar. I walked up to him with full of questions and said, “Where have you been for the past fourteen years? Why did you leave my mom and I behind? How could you spend your years without a word of care.” He looked at me blankly, did not know how to begin his answers. The immediate moment I cried.
I woke up from my sleep and realized that it was only just a dream. There was still no answer to my questions and maybe I will never get the answers. I only know that he is still alive in this world. If I ever see him again in my life, I will make sure to ask him these questions. I will let him know that even though he had not taught me anything for fourteen years, but my mother has done a great job on teaching me how to become a man.
You guys have always been there from the start, from right when I was born till now. I know that I never really show how much you guys mean to me. As I'm getting older, I've realized how much I love you guys. I can't make up for lost time, but I can start telling you guys how much I love you. I know that you guys give up so much to make sure me and Diana live the "perfect life" a life that you guys never had. I do take what you guys provide me for granted, but I'm learning. Especially since I'm turning 18 and you guys buying me the ultimate birthday present, that made me realize how much you guys have provided for me. I don't tell you guys often that I love you, but now everytime we get off the phone, I'd say it because I want you to know. I appreciate all that you guys have done for me. I really do. It may seem like I don't appreciate you guys sometimes but I do.n I may get super angry at you guys sometimes, and you guys may piss me off super bad, but no matter what, at the end of the day just remember that I'll always love you.
Mom and dad, you guys are my heroes. I really wish I had the guts to tell you this in person, but you know me, always hiding my feelings because I don't want to seem weak and have people walk all over me. Even though I don't have the balls to tell you this in person, my actions will surely tell you.
There are three different things that I’ve always wanted in my life. They are happiness, my materialistic things, and for everyone to like me.
Happiness might sound plain and simple, but in reality it’s quite a broad word. I think I’ll never be fully happy with my life until I reach enlightenment. I think that when I want materialistic things I tend to suffer just like how Siddhartha did, but I need to realize that things in the world don’t matter that much. Everyone has their fun times and memories that they’ll cherish forever with people, but at other times we will have our downers. I have to just look back and learn from my mistakes and live life according to how it is. Recently, because I’ve had a more balanced life, things that happened bad to me didn’t bother me. I can finally feel less stress this year than any year that I’ve been in school. Now I just have to try and stay happy, and tell myself that everything happens for the right reason.
Materialistic things have always been on my mind. The things I buy make me happy, but only for a short while until I start to want something else. I look at buying miscellaneous materials as a temporary happiness towards my life and until I get rid of my suffering of “want,” I won’t truly be happy. Of course, everyone wants to be rich when they grow up and have a Ferrari and a private jet for themselves, just like me. I’ve wanted a car for the longest time since I’ve gotten my license (about 1 year) and my parents always tell me, “It’s good that you want, it gives hope for the future.” In a way, they are absolutely right because it’s the future that matters and I’ll start to want other things like a house and a wife. Not only do I want to have things that I can own, but I want to keep and cherish my loved ones and friends. I believe that nothing is stronger than love because it can make you do very stupid things. Some of my loved ones may go, but I believe that it is a part of life and I have to admit to myself that I can’t keep and control everyone, except for myself.
Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve always wanted to attract attention. Sometimes I would do stupid things just to be the center of attention, and presently I sort of have that same personality. I think it’s just who I am to be really outgoing and likeable. Often though, I get the wrong vibe from people because of my wackiness, and it tears me apart. I try to act like myself and sometimes it may look like I’m trying too hard. Because I didn’t want to give people wrong messages, I’ve even tried to quiet down, and that plan worked great in a way, but it just wasn’t who I was. Of course, I need to stop cussing because it just demoralizes me, but the hyper in me will stay forever and hopefully people can accept me and like me for who I am.
These three different things are pretty in general of what I want, but it is a break-down of what I want to accomplish in my life. There is one thing though; that I wanted to say to someone and I eventually did a few weeks ago. Me and my ex-girlfriend had a rough break-up a year ago, and since we really liked each other it was hard for both of us. We haven’t talked since and I’ve always wanted to apologize to her just to make sure that things didn’t end for some stupid reason and I just really wanted to get this off of my back. I’ve always been scared throughout school to I see her because I couldn’t say anything to her because of the awkwardness, and also because it was so long ago. We just couldn’t even look at each other for some reason. Eventually I grew some ba—s and apologized to her one day after 5th period. Surprisingly, she kind of accepted the apology yet she walked away from me when I was talking. Talk about harsh? It doesn’t really matter though because I didn’t talk to her to plead my way back to her, I just wanted to get the fact off that something was weighing me down. After that instance, I felt so relieved knowing that I conquered one of my fears. Something out of me came out of its cage and I feel like a free man.
Also, since I just saw Carmen's blog post, I have to agree with her and add that I've always wanted to tell my parents thank you. I hope Mr. Feraco doesn't email this to my parents but they have done so much for me. I have to say that I've been a pretty rebelious child in high school, but then again what 17-year old boy isnt? My parents and I have had a lot of rough and bad times, but they are my parents and i have to give them credit for taking all of my BS all of the time. Thank you so much Mom and Dad and in a few months I'll be off to college. These past 17 years have been great together and lets have another 100.
Seamlessly beautiful, you are - the way you would compliment my earrings or necklace even though you’ve seen them about a million times, the way you offered me food when you know I just ate, he way your face glowed when you smiled, and the way you would yell, “Who is it?!” every time I came knocking at your door. Thank you for all of that, even though I did not appreciate it as much as I do now. I will try to always remember days like the day you forgot your dentures at home before going out to eat with me and Monica - the good days, the days before you fell ill.
I wish I could have changed their minds that early Thanksgiving afternoon just so they could see you just one last time. “I’ll go visit her tomorrow,” they told me. I had already nine visitor bands and tags from visiting you. The image of you lying on each of those hospital beds is now engrained into my mind, and I‘d like to forget. Seeing you fragile and helpless is not something I‘d like to remember.
Tears rolled down my cheek and my voice cracked - I could barely utter the words to tell my father what was wrong; I had never encountered such a tough reality to accept as a sixteen-year-old.
North Findlay Avenue, Garfield/El Monte Hospital, Rose Hills or not, you’re always here lingering in my thoughts. So enjoy that red-hooded scarf mom knitted, and have fun up there with Grandpa. Love you.
I am sorry that I am not good enough for you. You gave me a life to live, but all I end up doing is disappointing you. I know I am the one who is left to make the family happy and the one left to succeed in life, but that is a lot of pressure and responsibilities you guys are putting on me. I’m trying, I really am. I just can’t seem to make it far enough or good enough. You guys always ask me why I’m behind and not able to make it, but honestly, I don’t know why. Maybe you are only disappointed because you expect so much out of me. I am giving you all I can, but at the same time I do not want to be working to be making you happy, I want to be working because I know it is better for me. How will I learn if you keep telling me which path to take and what to do?
You think I’m disrespectful and a rebel, but I only fight with you because my own beliefs go against yours and you won’t accept them. I also fight because you like to accuse me of things. To just say I did something when you don’t even know the truth. You used to say I treated you worse than I treat my friends, but now I treat you just as equally. I will not take accusations or name calling from other people, and I would not want to take it from you. So, when you say something that offends me, I will speak up about it to defend myself.
The problem is, when I actually have something to say, you don’t want to listen, and when you’re listening it is when I am busy. When you leave, I do not miss you, because even when you are around it doesn’t always seem like you are. I love you and I always try to show it, but it is hard to because I have left an impression that would not be forgotten and will not accept me for who I am. I know I have made mistakes and I keep making them, but that is just who I am. I know what I have done wrong, and my mistakes always will haunt me, but the thing I hate most is that you will never forget them.
I am no longer a little girl, and I know you miss that. I know you want that little girl back, but I’m not her anymore. I have grown up and maybe it is just that I am going through a phase, and soon I’ll grow out of it. I just hope that you learn to accept me more and try to just listen before you start disagreeing or judging.
So, it’s my fault again? Even if I do everything exactly as instructed, you would always find blunders somewhere in my actions. Before I tried to impress you; by getting good grades, by efficiently completing any household chores, or by earning recognition from the people around me. But even after all the grades, after all the chores, after all the awards, you never congratulated me. Not even once. Instead, you asked if there was anything I could have done better. In fact, if I make a mistake or am less efficient you automatically say: “Do you ever use your head when you work?”, even if it was right after showing you the new belt I got in my ju-jitsu class. I suppose this is to help me realize that I can always improve myself, but I really wanted your recognition when I was younger; it frustrated me that nothing would impress you. Now, even though I’m trying to improve our relationship, I feel it’s useless; just like how it was useless trying to impress you.
It was winter and the end of track practice. We started walking home, as usual. I never said it as we took the same routes every day, but I actually really admired you. Afraid that I would ruin our current friendship in a greedy approach of becoming more than that, I always kept quiet; an all too common story. Before I knew it, it’s been over a year. I pathetically continued to love you without ever telling you. Thinking back, I can remember how much I pointlessly hurt myself by falling for you. Yet, you went through your days without knowing a thing; without knowing how happy a simple “thank you” made me, or how depressed it made me when you told me about your other romantic affairs. But there is no one to blame for that except for me.
Now, months later, I feel I’ve gotten over you. We’re still friends, but, nothing more.
On a different, more positive note, thanks for everything you've done for us this semester, Feraco!
I really regret letting you down Mom, you had great expectations for me and I have great expectations for myself too, but when things really got started I lost my way. I have been going on for months thinking there will always be a tomorrow to finish what I have started, as a result, everything I do is always done on the last minute. I regret and hate myself for not having the determination to just sit down and finish an assignment early; instead for the past few months I hid my worries and gave myself false confidence. I regret that I lied to you about my school work every time and sorry that you were surprised and angry when the report cards reveal the truths.
I’ve always treated myself as if I am never going to fail, that every time I fail I let myself believe that it is just a minor setback and that I will still succeed on the larger picture. I want to say to myself that the reason I treat myself this way is because of the fear inside me that is saying that I am a failure and every time I fail I can never repair the damage done. I want to say to myself that every test, quiz, and assignment matters, because previously I slack off on one assignment and thought ‘oh well, there is always a next assignment to make up.’ I slack off on the next one also; as a result, I accumulated all these bad grades into a big problem by the end of the semester and realize that what’s done is done; the damage is too great to make up. So I say to myself let the fear of failing speak out and push myself to overcome it with work.
Will I have another chance next semester? Will there still be hope? I know there is, I believe there is and don’t anyone dare to contradict me!
When did life get so complicated…
I miss talking to you, alot. We used to talk about everything-from school to random things and from random things to our personal lives. You told me that you don’t usually tell people about your problems because you don’t trust them, but you told me and trusted me with everything. What happened? All I did was to protect myself from getting hurt from my so called friends so they wouldn’t take me for granted. What’s wrong with that? I honestly thought you would’ve believed me.
I changed? Let’s face it. We’ve changed, we’ve all changed. Somewhere between school starting to ending, we’ve all changed, some of us for the better and some of us for the worse. Because of you, I’ve accepted that people come and go our lives. We no longer hang out with our circle of friends that we thought was going to be there for us “forever”. I’m glad you were in once my life, and thanks for being such a great friend while you were. I know you will go far in the future.
I’ve always wanted to apologize to a girl in my class when I was in elementary school. She is not my friend nor is she my enemy; however, because of her abnormal look and action, she barely had any friends. No one really talked her; instead, most of us made fun of her. And I, was one of them. I followed what all my friends do, and made fun of her look and the way she talked.
If I will ever see her again, I would want to truthfully apologize to her. I realized how childish we were to joke around her just to have fun. I didn’t mean mock her, but I think what I did probably hurt or disappointed her. I feel regret that I did not stand out to help her. I had the power to stop it, but I didn’t do anything. When I grew older, I see how stupid I was to follow what everyone does; even I knew it was wrong.
Now, we are all turning 18. I might never have a chance to see her again. I feel bad for what I’ve done. If I will ever have a chance to see her in the future, I would want to get to know her more and hopefully, we can become friends. Because of her and my regret, I promised myself to treat everyone around me nicely. I should be grateful that I have all those people in my life to make my life interesting.
I want to tell my parents that they are the best parents I can ever ask for. Even though I don't listen and disrespect them at times. I really love them. I know they're trying their hardest to make me and my sister happy. I understand it's a real big struggle for them. I appreciate it even though I never show it. My dad always apologizes for making not getting the things I want or he doesn't think he isn't doing anything to make me and my sister happy. I just want to tell them that they never have to apologize for anything. They're doing the best they can and I just wish there was something I can do to repay them. I pray to God that everything will be easier for them and that they'll be happy. When my mom is there rubbing my upset stomach or when I hug her, I just feel so happy. I love my mother. She truly has those mother's magic hands. And my father is the most kind-hearted person I know. He likes to show me and my sister off even though there isn't really anything to show off. I just love them so much, if I were to ever loose them I would loose myself too.
To my little sister. I know she may think I don't care or I don't listen but I really do. I want to be there for her and look out for her. I want to be a good role model. I really love her. When I was little, I would always tell her to do stuff and she would always do it. She copied me a lot and looked up to me. When I thought about it, I felt such guilt and I felt like a bad person for making her do things or for setting a bad example. She's still a baby to me even though she's grown. I want us to be the closest sisters ever. I want to dorm with her and go shopping with her. Have her be one of my bridesmaids. Even though she doesn't like it. I love kissing her cheeks and hugging her. I adore her.
To girls. Don't ever give yourself up to guys. I hate seeing girls that are so blinded by their heart to realize how some guys are such jerks. They do all these things to hurt them but some girls always just act like it's okay and forgive them. I wish girls could be more independent. "A girl shouldn't need a man, they should be what a man needs." -from tumblr. haha.
Although we are in a rough patch right now I still love you. I have never been able to speak to the opposite sex like I am able to speak to you; so freely, and confident knowing that you will never judge me. You aren’t here right now, but I forgive you and I’m sorry for everything that I have done, and that my problems with my parents got in the way. I know it bothered you, but you never got mad or held it against me. You are truly amazing and such a beautiful person. You have been there for me for four years now and have watched and helped me grow as a person. I don’t even want to know where I would be without you. You showed me what really matters in life – love and happiness – you brought both into my life when you waltzed your on in. I tell you literally everything, you understand me and love me for me.
Now-a-days you may not be physically here with me, but you give me your random calls, that last for hours, to show or rather tell me how much you still care and are there. No matter what it is, I can always count on you. Me crying at 3a.m., of course you come and save the day. Oh how I love you. I will always have a special place for you in my heart. Thank you. Thank you for everything, thank you for being you, and thank you for caring. I know I haven’t told you this face to face, but now thinking about how much you mean to me I will make sure I make a point to you. Love you again. Xoxo
I have a friend who was my best friend since freshmen year. We both like the same type of things but I found out that we are completely different type of people last year. I know we both want to bring our relationship back to the original state, but since we are somehow similar both of us would not start a conversation like that first. I really want to tell him that I am very willing to save our relationship as it is fading away. I really want to tell him that I am always willing to be next to him whenever he needs to share feelings with someone.
It is so easy to reach him if I want to find him. But we don't even eat lunch together anymore. I really want to tell him that I would always be with him if he needs me. Although it looks like our friendship is going to an end, I really want to thank him for being such a great friend for 3 years.
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