Monday, July 19. 2010
Post your altered narratives here!
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Standing on the edge of the diving board, I felt the slow bouncing of the plastic under my feet and saw the winks in the water. I didn’t want to jump. Why did they have to make us do this?
“Jump! Hurry!” yelled one of my swimming instructors. I shook my head and felt the wet slap of my ponytail on my back. The people behind me were grumbling with impatience. They actually wanted to do this? Staring down, I tried to see the bottom of the pool but couldn’t. It was so impossibly deep. I remembered the kids before me who had just hopped off casually, and wondered where they got the courage. The male swimming instructor was tapping his foot impatiently at the side of the pool. Everyone was staring at me, and not for a good reason. Just get this over with. I sighed and took that last step off the diving board. Pinching my nose and squeezing my eyes shut, I had almost no time to prepare for the impact.
Bubbles rose upward by my ears, and water pressed softly against my eyelids. I was completely submerged for a very brief moment, then the top of my head broke the surface. Paddling toward the wall, I gulped desperately at the sky, gasping for air. Grasping the cool tile, I took some deep breaths to calm myself down. I stopped panicking and was able to think clearly again. Hey, that was actually okay!, I realized, pulling myself along the wall to the ladder. Now that I had gotten my first time jumping off the diving board, I was excited to do it again.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it? See, it was fun!” said the female swimming instructor. She smiled at me and patted me on the back as I nodded. I couldn’t wait for my next lesson, so I could jump again.
After the Ending
There are 19 minutes left. And then, it is lunch. Maybe I’ll buy chips today! And maybe a cookie! I have a dollar today. Oh, then I should buy 2 cookies. So many calories!
But I need to celebrate. I studied all night. I didn’t even have dinner, so I can spend those 30 minutes studying. It was so worth it. Wow! This test is easy! Should I check it one more time? Nah! I am too pro in geometry. Quadrilateral proofs prove that I am. I should be in Algebra 2 as an 8th grader. But wait, if I don’t check it and I get something wrong, I’ll feel so guilty. And then I‘ll get a bad grade on the test, and then my G.P.A. will die. I will check it.
Oh my god! I didn’t do the back page! And it’s 8 points! Oh god! Okay, 16 minutes left! I can do it.
3 days later
Oh gosh! She is going to pass the papers back. I hope I got an A. I have to. Where’s my calculator? Oh, here comes the test! Oh, Roni doesn’t look so happy about it…
Wow! Yes! I got an A! If I had not, then my class grade would have been a B. Then I would have gotten a 3.86 in my report card. I could not have done that. But oh well! Mama is going to give me a bike! My old one is too blue. I like purple! Oh I’ll get the one I saw at Target, the one that has purple streaks on it, and then I’ll get a matching helmet…
wow seriously? Dunno why getting a 4.0 gets you a bike but ok...
I had asked my mom for a bike last year, but she told me that she won't give it to me unless for a specific reason.
So i made a deal with her. I knew I was going to get a bike, because i always got 4.0s. But that trimester, the tables turned on me.
I like this story, partly because I understand what you were feeling. I liked how we could kind of go into your head and feel what you were going through. Did you get the bike in the end?
Remember Vanessa, I altered the ending. I didn't have enough time to finish the test and I lost those 8 points, which made my test into a B, then my final went into a B. I never got the bike.
I felt disgusting; everything made my insides hurt, but the tour guide was relentless. “You have to see this! Rome is a fascinating city,” she claimed, her voice cheery.
Sure, it’s fascinating, if you don’t feel like puking.
Crawling out of bed, I dragged my feet through the hotel, following the rest of the tour group. As the group exited the hotel, we shuffled throughout the restless crowd. The smells and sounds were sickening; they were suffocating. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Straggling in the back, my family and I moved slowly. It was cold, and the sky was a dark gray, threatening to rain.
I had a persistent cough that hacked away at my lungs; and it made my throat feel raw. We continued with the tour though, all the way to the Coliseum, which really seemed like nothing more than a ton of bricks. The day dragged on, slowly. And the worst part? It really did begin to rain. What started out as sprinkles of water drizzling down quickly became a huge rainstorm.
“This is ridiculous. I feel like I’m going to die,” I thought.
Finally, my family ditched the tour and ran into a small teahouse. Unlike the conditions outside, it was warm and cozy in the teahouse. I sipped slowly at the lemonade I ordered. It made my insides churn.
God, this is disgusting.
A wave of nausea washed over me; I made a mad dash for the restroom. Heaving, I puked in the toilet. And no one ever found out about it, except for maybe the cleaning woman.
There was a bracelet I bought and haven’t worn it in 2 years. One day while I was cleaning my desk, I found the bracelet. It was two jelly bracelets; both oink and blue glittery transparent ones. It was pretty so the first thought that crossed my mind was to wear it. I turned it into a 2 sided bracelet. It looked good on my wrist and I liked it. It didn’t bother me. Ever since I wore it that day, I constantly wore it.
Then 3 days later, bad lucks were occurring. I stubbed my toe, my computer crashed, got in massive trouble by my parents, my sisters blamed me for things I didn’t do, and a whole lot more bad things arose. First I thought that this just happened like it doe occasionally so I didn’t really care. Days later, I got into more trouble at the point where I almost was kicked out of my own house. My parents grounded me and made me do hard labor. (doing chores) I was furious. I should’ve taken that bracelet off then but I was too stupid and too focused on doing all the chores.
Weeks later, I finally had the time to take off my bracelet but it wouldn’t come off. It was stuck. My hand was too big for it to come off. I tried to cut it but instead my finger got a cut. I made a 2nd attempt and it wouldn’t work. I got frustrated so I left it on the wet, slippery kitchen counter. As soon as I left it there, it slipped off and it stabbed my toe an after that what do you expect? More accidents?
I walked and I slipped on water. As soon as I got up, I tripped on the leg of the dinner table. The leg fell and the table almost fell on top of my leg but it only hit my knee. It hurt so I hopped to bed whining and moaning. The bed suddenly fell and it scared the living daylights out of me. The wall rumbled ad there was a clock right on top if my head. Guess what? It fell on my head. The clock hurt my eyes, bruising my eyelids, and my nose broken. I was in agonizing pain. I cried until I slept and saw my parents in shock, my father carrying me to the car.
I had many more accidents after the visit to the hospital. I couldn’t take off the bracelet. I had no way. I wore a cast that completely covered my wrist. I probably had to wait 3 months and I figured that if I even took a step, I would hurt myself. Great, could this get any better?
I think you have a typo near the top when you say "both oink and blue glittery transparent ones..." Do you mean 'pink' or really 'oink'?
I meant pink and I realized the mistake when Jing told me
I like this story a lot, there's just so many interesting things that happened! Is the whole thing the altered ending? Like in real life, did you actually wear the bracelet?
Today was the day I was going to get a Nintendo DS. The DS has been out for a whole year now, but my mom always was always saying, “You had to prove that you deserved it.” Now, after a whole year of doing good deeds, my mom finally agreed to buy me one and satisfy my desires.
The whole day during school, I spent all my time thinking about the DS. I was so focused on it, that I barely paid attention to the teacher. I was only able devote enough of my attention to the class long enough to not get a bad grade or a note to my parents. If that happened, it would obviously result in the immediate confiscation of my new DS as soon as I got it.
That afternoon, I rushed home, eager for my new video game system. As a rushed into the house, my mom stood in the kitchen, empty-handed. She informed me that every Gamestop, Best Buy, and Wal-mart in the city were all sold out of the DS. I merely stood there for several seconds with my eyes wide open. Then, I asked if I could get one the next day. To my complete disbelief, she told me that the people at the store said that the next shipments weren’t due for another month. I practically fainted on the spot.
Alter the Ending
It was my big day. This afternoon at 5:30 p.m, at my temple in recognition of a religious festival, my friends and I were performing a dance. Right now, we were in the bank parking lot, getting into the car to drive to the temple. My mom got into the driver’s seat and put the key in. BRRRrrrrr….The car battery died! My mom quickly called AAA, and they sent someone instantly. The man immediately jump-started our car, and we went to Costco to get a new battery since we had a warranty. They changed our battery, and we went home to get ready. I was so relieved that we would reach on time.
We hit the road, going to 60 mph. I was relaxing, preparing for my big moment, with a thousand judging eyes staring. All of a sudden, the car stopped. It just stopped there, in the middle of the freeway. All the cars whizzed by us, and everyone was honking behind us. I couldn’t believe this was happening! We were going to reach on time and now this happened. I took it for granted help would come again, and I was wrong. It was over an hour before the police came, and helped us pull over. By the time we got running again, it was 5:25 and by now my group was probably on stage already. I let out a deep sigh, thinking about all the hard work I had out into the dance, all going to waste. All of the clothes, jewelry, make-up, gone to waste. I let out another sigh, letting it all out.
Alter the ending
My friends and I am lazy people, we take every short cuts we can. When I was going to my friends house once, we had a great idea. She lives about three blocks away, but in order to get to her house you would have to go around the streets. It takes around 15 minutes to walk to her house. First, we had to walk out of my street onto the main street, then turn and walk three blocks. Then turn again and walk down the street. This makes almost a square, and the best way to get there would be just to cut straight from my house north. Walking all that way is totally pointless. The problem was, the streets were filled with private houses, buildings, etc. There was no way for us to go through there without doing something that is probably illegal.
We decided to take our short cut, and avoid as many fences and private areas as much as possible. We tried to walk through the public ones. We walked out of my house, and instead of turning down the street, we went out back and cut straight to the narrow pathway leading to a row of condominiums. We cut through it without being seen. Then we had to climb a low white fence into this tiny yard, on the next side was a parking lot. Then we went into these apartment buildings, a smoking man glared at us but otherwise didn’t say anything. We were safe. Finally after going through one more fence and parking lot, we reached the last fence. This one was the only thing stopping us from out destination. It was a flimsy black fence, holding it up was two red brick walls. We could see my friend’s house. She didn’t trust the fence and instead went out the back of the wall and stepped on a trashcan and climbed over with ease. I stepped towards where the trashcan was. A putrid smell overpowered me. No way was I climbing on top of THAT thing. I decided to go according to my original plan. I grabbed the thin framing with one hand and pulled my legs to the ledge supporting the fence. I swung a leg over and started inching my way down. I could see her waiting for me by the door. Urging me to hurry, “we are going to get caught” she said. Then as my leg was almost completely down the fence collapsed on me, with a loud “clank” The sound echoed through the empty street. The next thing I did, was of course, run. I ran towards the door of freedom. And shut to door. Safe, I thought.
I squeezed my mom’s hand in excitement and fear and she returned it as we walked to the registration table. I looked around in curiosity and tugged at my private school’s itchy uniform. We were at the place where selected students from each grade level and school competed to advance to the state’s annual spelling bee. Amazingly, I had been the winner of my class and had gotten the privilege to come here. My mom gave me a label and I stared at it in wonder. I had never seen my name so largely printed on anything. I was still in awe as my mom took my hand and led me to a classroom. We sat down on the blue chairs and I could see the afternoon sunshine resting on the few heads in the room. A woman appeared and started explaining about all the rules as I listened intently. I didn’t want to miss a thing! She then told the contestants to sit in their assigned seats in the front. Nervously, I left my mom’s side and progressed to the front. After seated, the woman sat at a table in front of us. I shot a glance at my mom and she gave me an encouraging smile that ceased my short legs to stop shaking. I could feel the trembling of the rest of the students traveling through the chairs. The spelling began.
One by one, students started to slip and went crying back to their seats. The words were easy; only a few really tested my second grade knowledge. There were only three students left, including me. I stood up; it was my turn again. “Bear” I froze, confused. “Sentence please.” I nervously spoke. “The bear lives in the woods, hibernating during the winter.” My mind raced, I wasn’t sure which bear it was. ‘Was it B-A-R-E? Or B-E-A-R?’I tried to stall time by asking for the definition. I finally decided on the second choice after the woman was done with the definition, but I wasn’t too sure. “B-E-A-R?” I took the risk. “Correct.” I sat down in relief and smiled at my mom who was grinning, too. The rest of the words flew by me and I was delighted to hold my trophy on the way home. I decided then and there that bears would be added to one of my favorite animals list.
Awww you spelled it wrong it real life? That sucks. BUT in 2nd grade I didn't even know the word "bare." I like reading dialogue more but I liked yours too.
Awwhh!!! WELL. VANESSA. You made it into the spelling bee in the first place so you must be P-R-O-U-D.
I really liked your story. It has many details and shows well how you felt during that moment.
My cousins, sisters and I were on out way to their house to have “talk” with out cousin. Her name was Sandy and we were going to have an intervention with her. Sandy is kind and pleasant at first, but over long periods, she becomes irritable. She still lives with her mother, unemployed and she always asks her mother for money whether it be from a bank account or from her own wallet. She would also visit our home, eating everything and anything that she could find and basically, she would take advantage of everyone that she meets. Well, that was going to change tonight because we were on a mission to change her lifestyle. We were so ready, that we made two lists, pertaining to her good and bad characteristics. Even though her bad characteristics were three times as great as the good ones, we were still able to find some. Once we got to their home, we found her, copped in her room applying makeup to her face for a date. Before she could leave; however, we got her to sit down in the living room. My cousin, started with the bad list and we let Sandy give us some feedback but she did not have any. We continued and talked about the things that she needed to fix, such as, getting a job, not asking for money, and not tasking advantage of family. We let the information soak in until we continued with the good list. I saw, that she was on the verge of tears and before we continued, she burst into tears and we crowded around her, trying to comfort her. Through fitful tears, she agreed to the terms of the list and after that, she was a better person.
Alter the Ending
The line for the ride was too long, and it looked as though it reached all the way to the other end of the amusement park. Sighing, I switched my weight to my left foot, my right dangling in mid-air to alleviate the pressure. The sun blazed down on the line, and everyone groaned when the line inched forward and they were out of the shade. A little girl dressed in a purple shirt with a star on the back surrounded in the words, ‘Arcadia Unified School District,” I was on a field trip with my after school program. The matching purple cap proclaimed that I was, “The Big Cheese” and had Mickey Mouse ears sticking out either side. My shorts were neon green, and matched one sock, the other yellow. As I waited in line for the ride, I got tired and looked around at what other children were doing to beat the heat and boredom of waiting. Most of the kids in the line were sitting on top of the bars or sticking their legs inside the bars, and thinking it a good idea, I did it as well.
I decided to stick only my right leg in so I could stand on my left, my right still tired from doing the brunt of the standing earlier. I jammed my knee in between the bars, and continued looking around, bored. When the line finally started to move, I joyfully yanked my leg hard to detangle it out of the bars and move up in the line inching closer to the front of the ride. When my leg didn’t move, I tugged harder, sure it would pop out and I would continue on my way up the line. Getting scared, the eight year old me pulled, tugged, yanked, wrestling with the bars, all to no avail. My leg was stuck.
“Lucas!” I yelled for my ride buddy, who had moved up in the line, not noticing that I had stood steadfastly where I was. Upon hearing my shout, Lucas came back to me, an unhappy expression lining his face.
“What are you doing back there? People are passing you, and we’re going to lose our place in line!” He grabbed my arm and jerked, only to be pulled back by the same force he had used.
“Why aren’t you coming?” Lucas asked me.
“I’m stuck! What do I do?” I whined back, truly fearful that the firefighters would have to come and cut me out of the metal bars.
“I have an idea!” Luke said, and reached into his pocket, where he removed a tube of suntan lotion. “I think I saw this on a cartoon once.” He said, as he squeezed the bottle, which let out a fart, making the both of us giggle. He squeezed once again, and this time a glob of lotion came out of the bottle and onto my knee. Working together we both got the ointment all over my knee.
“1...” We steadied ourselves, me bracing myself with my left foot, Lucas gripping my arm, “2…” I grit my teeth and sucked in a breath of air, “3!” Lucas yanked my arm and I nearly flew out of the gate, my knee squishing out of the bars with a loud squelch. We both recovered and stood up quickly, pushing our way back into our spots in the line, gigantic smiles plastered on our faces in anticipation of the roller coaster.
I stare down at the crinkled water, taunting me, trying to scare me. It also seemed perfect to dive into, holding a calm blue. I could hear the shouts of my peers pressuring me as I stand on the diving board, clapping my hands up into the air for a diving positions. I bend my knees, ready for takeoff, but a breeze blows and twitches my body. I close my eyes and sigh, and quickly jump up into the air. I attempted to curve my body, but halfway through realized that my body was crooked! I panicked, thus pushing my body into the position of a belly flop. I close my eyes, and open them again, and see an orange my friend threw flying straight at my body. Before my body plunged into the water, the orange attacked my stomach, pushing my body up and vertical, in the perfect position for a dive. I smoothly dive into the water, and swim back with my stomach in pain. I lay down on the pavement and rest my eyes while my friend inspect my new bruise with laughter.
Hahaa why did your friend throw an orange at you? I was about to write the same thing cause I can never ever EVER! get my dives right.
The day is finally here. The soccer finals. The day for victory. My team finally advanced to the top two of the list and this game would determine it all. We would either win with a triumphant success or lose as second place. I tried not to think about losing. That wasn’t going to happen. I believed we would win. Our team, the “Ninja Turtles”, had the best players.
Before the game, my coach told everyone to believe in themselves and play the hardest. This was our moment to shine, and we must not ruin in. Nothing will stand in our way.
As soon as the whistle blew for the beginning, our team charged and played as best as we could. Our coach yelled out directions and made hand movements. I played “Left Forward”, and whenever the ball landed on my feet, I tried to pass it to other players or shoot a goal.
By halftime, the score was 2-0, with my team in the lead. Our coach, however, reminded us, “Remember, keep going. Don’t think these two points will win us. The other team is bound to improve. Think 0-0.”
Sure enough, the other team played tough. While each player on my team became tired, the other team seemed to get stronger. A few times, I slipped and fell on the mud, or got knocked down by the other players. The score was looking bleak. It was 2-2, a tie. Only five more minutes left. The winner would take it all. I hated going into overtime and penalty kicks. Last time, the score was so close, I thought we would lose.
The countdown began. People cheered louder and yelled out team names. “Go Ninja Turtles!” on one side. “Go Orange Crush!” on the other. The other team attempted for a goal, but our experienced goalie blocked it. That was a close one. I felt so tired I would have collapsed if it wasn’t for what happened next. The goalie passed the ball to our best player, and I actually thought we would have a chance, with her dodging all the other players and making cool moves. Suddenly, however, the best defense player of the other team came up to her and tried to block her shot. She had no other choice but to pass the ball. She made eye contact with me, but I wasn’t ready yet to make a shot.
Only thirty seconds left. She kicked the ball far out in front of me, and I knew I had a clear shot. It was either now or never. I aimed carefully, ran up to it, and kicked the ball as hard as I could. I practically closed my eyes for fear of messing up, but the next thing I know, the crowd went wild and I was surrounded by team hugs. The whistle was blown for the end. I made the winning goal! I couldn’t believe it! I had tears of joy. We had won the soccer finals and it was mainly because of me! I had never felt so happy in my life. My team praised and hugged me so much I couldn’t even breathe. From the corner of my eye, I saw my family jumping up and down, smiling at me.
So, in the end, this game was a success. I believed in myself and actually made the winning goal. This has been the most exciting game ever. One minute, I thought we would lose, but the next, I was crying with tears of joy. This was a miracle! My dream came true.
This is a story that I could picture right in my head, great job!
YOU KEEP SAYING IT'S BAD. IT'S NOT. I wish I could've watched that game!!! Good job making the ending so believable
Alter the Ending
I left the violin preparation room, with my violin in my left hand and my bow in the right. I practiced so much for this one audition, but I knew I wouldn’t make it into the orchestra. The orchestra was for tenth graders and up, and I was merely a little ninth grader. I felt so tiny standing next to the tall, mature men and women. I was wearing my favorite green recital dress –green for good luck. My mom wished me good luck as I walked out –I really needed it.
I walked into the audition room. I felt the cool air of the air-conditioner, sending chills down my spine. Goosebumps formed on my arms and I trembled. There was a thin, middle-aged man, and a short, plump lady.
“Morning. My name’s Jo,” She said, in a Texas accent.
“Hello, how are you?” I said, politely.
“Good. Now stand here and play a scale,” she said, motioning to the music stand.
Oh gosh. Jo really gave me attitude. Right when she said “morning,” I already did not like her. I hoped she would go easy on me.
I played the hardest scale I had learned, the three-octave D major.
“Stop. Stop. Stop,” the man said, raising his hands to eye level and shaking his head. I looked at him, confused. “Can you play four notes per bow?”
“Uh…I’ll try,” I replied. Honestly, I did not know how to play that, but the only choice I could make was to attack it. I started playing the scale.
Squeak! My bow made an awful sound. Oh, shoot. I glanced at the judges to see if they noticed, and they sure did. Their foreheads were leaning against their palms, their pens moving quickly. I knew I was doomed, but I did not stop playing. Finally, I was done with the scale.
“Now play your song, fast. You don’t have much time left.” Jo glanced at her watch, and the man’s foot was tapping, impatiently.
Shoot. The way she said that wanted to make me run up to her and punch her wrinkly face. I started to play my song. I realized that I actually played better than usual. My bow was dancing, and I played as loud as a lion. My body moved to my music.
“Brilliant! Brilliant! Bravo!” Jo stood up, clapping her hands. “My, Joyce, who knew such a tiny thing like you could play so wonderfully!
I thanked her and smiled. I did not know Jo would actually like my violin playing. I skipped out the room, in happiness.
One week later:
I ripped open the letter, pulling out the papers quickly. It read:
Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH! I screamed and yelled and jumped up and down in excitement. I made it in! I actually made it in! It was a miracle. Not just that, but I made it into the orchestra, as the youngest player.
This is soooooo good! The descriptions are so detailed! Good job!
I could imagine how you feel. You really make the examiners sound so mean! Great job!
YEAH. They WERE kind of mean. But I guess that's kind of their job. And I was the youngest person there, so it was kind of embarrasing. Ohh well I only embarrassed myself in front of two people not tons hahaa.
Alter the Ending
I adjusted the flower clips in my short hair and fixed my fiery red dress. “3-2-1, SMILE!” the woman at the camera said. I did, and proudly at that. This was the prettiest I have dressed in a while, and I looked pretty. I know because my mommy told me. Why was I dressed so nicely today? Well, it was my first “picture day.” Picture day, a day where adults bring tall contraptions with legs to the school and take pictures. They call those contraptions cameras. They flash the same way daddy’s does at home, but I do not believe them because daddy’s camera does not have legs.
There was a flash. “Next!” they said. I strutted away and took my seat at my desk. I wondered if their “camera” caught my beauty the same way my daddy’s camera does. I will go home today, mommy will ask me what I did at school today, and I will ask her about daddy’s camera and the “camera” with legs. Then…my train of thought was interrupted when a boy stopped at my desk. A boy: cootie infested smelly, ugly, sweaty, rude, and disgusting germs. You can probably tell that I have had no good memories of them. I turned my head the other way, annoyed. “Picture day isn’t fun, my mommy lied. It’s so boring.” He said. Really? I did not think so.
“Hey, you’re a boy right?” he asked suddenly. My head perked up. I could not believe my ears. “You’re a boy right? So why are you wearing a dress?”
“No! I’m a girl!” I corrected him angrily.
“No, you’re a boy. You have short hair, so you are a boy.” He stated it like a fact. I glanced around; all the girls had long hair. He was right, all the Disney princesses have long hair (well, longer than mine.) I began to doubt. I shook my head.
“I’m a girl!” I screamed. Rage and confusion welled up from within me.
“You’re a boy!” Maybe I was.
“I’m a girl!” I cried in denial.
“NO!” my fist flew before he could say another word. He held his hand out, a drop of red fell. I stared at the droplet of red in his palm. I looked up; more was coming, leaking from his nose, tracing his lips, and pouring down his chin.
“B-B-BLOOD!” he stuttered.
Yes, blood. It coated his palms. He attempted wiping the red onto his shirt. Both his palms and his clothes were stained in bloody red now.
“Make it stop! I want mommy! I’M GOING TO DIIIIIEEEE!!!” he fell to the ground and began throwing a fit, spouting words that made no sense to me. I wanted to hurt him more, hurt him more…more red. I crawled over to the red. A smile crept over my face as I got closer to the red.
Dude! This was so good! I really like it! It is so vivid. Whoa is this supposed to be the good alternative ending of one of your sad parts in life?
Poor Vicki (should have done this in real life). This is awesome. I like how you wrote about how pretty you looked, which made your reaction seem more realistic.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Well nice gender reverse role
Alter the Ending
Heaven was a place for innocents, good-willed, and positive people. Innocents were especially suited to the occasion, as they had little time to convert towards sin. It was fortunate, yet unfortunate for me to be here. Life still had plenty in store for me, and who knows what might have been there. Would I have been sent to hell if I had lived a little longer? I never found out.
It was quite a celebration for a birthday party. His birthday was considered a somewhat social event for many Asian parents. They often bragged about their children and took up great amounts of exaggeration. I was oblivious of this, of course, as I was only seven years old. The pool was the center of attention for all the kids, so mine was directed towards it. Though many kids liked playing with water, I could be considered an exception, and never truly learned how to swim. Yet time was running by and a kid had to amuse himself somehow. I took long shaped balloons and started whacking it at the kids swimming around. Everyone thought that it was fun, and people ran around with long balloons while the kids in the pool were trying to avoid them. Sure, it was a bright morning with happy attires and nothing strange going around here. Little did they know, that the bright sunshine could turn to shades of grey in this lively pool party.
As many had said before, danger was everywhere and though it may look harmless, it could be more hazardous than a small kid with a gun could. In this case, it was just water and concrete that forced the fall of the morning. I was blobbing the head of a long balloon when suddenly; I stepped on a slippery slope and fell in. My lungs gasped for air as salt water came instead. They were crushed like limestone as pain immensely increased. With arms flailing and legs paddling, I strove upwards with a stroke that I did not understand. Yet pressure came and the truth came upon me. My heart exploded, as my arms and legs let the water seep me down to the ground. I simply gave up.
This was my last impression of life.
This pool used salt water? There must be like hundreds of bags of salt somewhere then. I like how there are so many descriptive words in this piece though. This was a pretty good read, with the happiness, and then the sudden darkness that looms over the whole thing.
When I was about 6 years old, and still living in San Francisco, I was playing in the park with my friend. We began to play tag, and he was “it”. We ran around and throughout the park, and soon, our game went towards the baby swings. I looked behind me, not noticing that I was about to get hit by a swing seat that was driven by a 14 pound human. Just when I was about to get smashed in the head by the swing, my friend tagged me. His tag was mixed with a slight shove. This shove was just enough to push me off to the side and away from the oncoming danger. As I moved to the side, I felt the swoosh of the swings pass extremely close to my head. I was super lucky that I got pushed to the side, or else I could have suffered a concussion or something like that. My friend then yelled over his shoulder, “You’re it!” as he ran away from the near major accident. As I recovered from the near accident, I looked around me. I got a glance at the swing that almost took my head off, and I stood back up. I got my energy back, and ran after my friend, kept playing our game of tag.
Alter the Ending
By Ryan Tsao
I stared, and she stared back. I looked away, feeling shy, trying to seem uninterested. When I looked back up, she was still staring, giving me a strange look, as if to say What? I look back at it, and I should’ve just pretended she was talking to someone else, but instead I shrugged, confirming to her that it was in fact I who was staring at her. She must’ve guessed I liked her, because by the end of the day, everyone was teasing me about it, and saying how I won’t get her, or why would she ever get me. To be honest I did like her and I did agree with them, why would she pick m, an overweight impatient and temperamental kid who couldn’t see his own two hands in front of him without his glasses. Yet still, I did not give up, I persisted trying to be nice, to be suave, to do anything I could to impress her. Soon the school’s first dance was coming up and I decided I win her with my dance skills. So my days at school were mainly just talking to her, and then going home to practice some new moves I’ve learned from Youtube.
It was the day of the dance, and we’ve become decent friends over the time from when I decided to dance to now. I thought she might’ve forgotten I liked her, because she and her friends started treating me like any of the other ‘cool’ kids. And it wasn’t too awkward around them anymore. I felt like I was being accepted. I was glad we were friends and all, but it was time to be more than just friends.
We were walked to the dance floor, aka the auditorium, and saw a typical middle school party, the less cool kids eating or just standing there and the cool kids just doing some weird dance thing, and then the others just walking around in a conga line for some apparent reason. You pulled me to the dance floor as we got our groove on. It was a almost a fantasy, a time, a moment, where it was just you and me, both of us having a good time. You said you were thirsty, so I went to get you a drink, but when I come back, another guy had his arms around you, I turned to leave, with sadness and anguish in my heart, but then I heard your scream as the guy tried to pull you close. You squirmed and struggled trying to break free. You saw me and you eyes cried for help for you were distress. I walked up to her and told her the principal is looking for her, and took her away from the guy, without waiting for an answer.
Once hidden in the mass of dancing students, the music changed to slow, as couples started to dance hand in hand. You thanked me for getting you out of there, and gave me a hug, that I gave back. After a moment while still hugging she said, I could let go and I told her I didn’t want to. She smiled and said she didn’t want me to either and put her hand into mine. Dancing to forever on Chris Brown’s song With You, I had finally won you over.
Awwww!! This is so cute! But. How come in the beginning you used "her" but towards the end you started using "you?" That confused me a little. Still, I liked this one. WAIIT. Show me your dance moves that you learned from Youtube!!!!
You are turning from 2nd to 1st person really fast.
One moment you are saying "You thanked me for getting you out of there..." to "She smiled..." to "I had finally won you over."
Otherwise, it is really good. You put a lot of emotion into it.
Haha, yeah I noticed that too as i was finished up the story, but i was too lazy to fix it, so yeah, the meaning is you, is same as her.
Alter the ending
On my eleventh birthday, the summer after fifth grade, I invited a few friends over to my house to play. Unfortunately, my birthday turned out to be boring. I didn't have much planned for it anyway. That day was a hot day and we drank a lot of water, then we went out to my backyard to play with some spinning paint thingy. After that, my friend bought the phone outside and started prank calling random people.
At last, we went in to eat my delicious ice cream cake. Afterwards, we played a nice game of twister. Everything went well, but my friend wasn't really good at that game, so she was pretty sad. My mom bought her some more cake, she played as the spinner, and my eleventh birthday went vary well.
So, the real story was that your birthday turned out badly?
I don't get the alter ending. It doesn't make any sense. i'm sorry to be so harsh, but I just don't understand it. What's the alter ending?
Maybe you could emphasize on the part that was supposed to be bad, so we know which part you altered to make it good.
I think you could've made this...better. It's a good start but you should add more details, like how you felt. And you should use better vocabulary, instead of "spinning paint thingys." Hope this helps (:
19 July 2010
Alter the Ending
We dribbled the ball down the court to the cheers of the crowd. We felt as though we were on the top of the world, we were definitely on top of our game. We had a twenty-one point lead as we rolled into the fourth quarter. We were killing the other team (not literally). The championship game and we were winning by a substantial lead. We could not believe this was happening. It was as if we were playing four year olds. Suddenly out of nowhere, the opposing team came back. They gained momentum, and started playing great. We could not believe this was happening. They were running over us. As our morale and momentum dropped, they gained some. Our team was missing easy shots. We were stunned, we had been doing so well and now we were playing terrible. There was no communication, passes were being intercepted, shots were being blocked, and we could not hang onto the ball. As the fourth quarter whistle blew, and the other team held up the first played trophy we looked on, in disbelief that we let it slip away from our grasp. We were speechless and embarrassed that we lost the game. We wanted it so badly, that most of the team started to cry; we cried because we didn’t win, we were so close. However, it was the first time we our school went that deep into the tournament, so we were proud of our accomplishment. We put our school up there. We raised the second place trophy with pride, not that we lost, but that we gave it our best. We were not ashamed, because we had the support of our parents, teachers, and coaches behind us.
The pot of peas on the stove started burning. Smelling the smoke, I decided that the smell came from the neighbors. They had a fondness for barbequing. In a bout of stupidity, I didn’t realize that it was 10 o’clock, and that nobody in their right minds would cook at this time. Slowly, the smell became more prominent. My mother rushed out, finally remembering it was the pot of peas. Unfortunately, by this time, the kitchen was on fire. I ran out of the house, grabbing my cellphone and calling 911. I watched the house in flames. By the time the firefighters arrived, the fire had spread to the main hallway. The fires went out, but half of the house had become unfixable. As my mom sobbed over the repairs, I ran inside to make sure my hamster wasn’t hurt. I found him sleeping in his cage, not even disturbed by the massive amounts of smoke inside the house.
“What a fat rat,” I thought.
As if he read my mind, he woke up and yawned at me.
So if this is the altered version, does that mean your hamster... died?
Wow, did your house really burn? And did your hamster die?
Did you house really get on fire??! If your house really WAS on fire, would you really risk your life for your hamster? I wouldnt..really. Awhh it died didn't it? Aww reminds me of the day MY hamster died. Sob
The first thing I thought about when I entered the room was that it was too loud. There was barking on one corner, meowing on the opposite. Then there were the several occasional quacks, hisses, squeaks and growls. My friend immediately ran toward the puppies section and my mom wandered near the cats section afraid that if she was too close the cat might scratch her. I followed my friend to the puppies section. I had been devastated when my childhood toy, a dog toy called Poofie, which my mom bought for me at the toy store. My mom had left it at the hotel room at my last trip to Florida and my mom had forgotten to take it when I left it on top of the suitcase. I was devastated because it was the only toy that I treasured, and my mom had promised me that she was going to buy me a real dog.
I looked down the aisle and immediately I saw him. A little puppy that looked exactly like Poofie, a black dot was located on the top ear and it was a shitzu mixed. I looked up at my mom and I knew I was getting the puppy. My friend knew exactly why I wanted the puppy too. After we got the pet food, the doggie bed, the dishes, and his toys, we left the store. Day after day, whenever I came home from school I played with Poofie.
One day when I came home, my mother took me into my room for a talk. “Chloe, you are nine years old. Poofie is your dog, so you need to take care of it.” That was exactly her words. I did not listen to my mom’s words. I played with it and occasionally fed it. Then came the argument. My mom had told me that if I do not take care of the dog, I could not keep it. I was upset by her words; I did not think that she actually meant every word she said.
I came home early the next day since it was a Wednesday and my elementary school gets us get out at one thirty instead of the regular two thirty. I saw my mom talking to my cousin and my cousin, twenty-four at the time, looked happy holding Poofie. I caught the words, “I am so glad you can take him in” and “Chloe wouldn’t take care of it”. I was mad that time. I ran into the room and stump on my cousin’s foot. She looked surprised and so did my mom. I grabbed Poofie, ran into my room, and refused to come out.
When I was sure my mom had gone away, I went out, took Poofie’s pet dish and bed, and ran into my room again. I fed Poofie and played with him. At about seven, I was hungry, but I cannot give up, so I stayed in my room. My mom gave up and told me that I can keep Poofie. From then on, I took care of the dog and played with it everyday. I did not have to give away Poofie to my cousin after all.
Alter the Ending
“Oh, I can’t do this. I just can’t do this,” I shook my sweaty hands as I murmured. “What do you mean by you can’t do this? We have practiced this about whole month. I know you can do this. All of us can do this!” Pricilla grabbed my cold hands. I nodded as I saw her serious eyes. “Yes, I can do this,” I whispered. Waiting in the small elevator, I prayed and prayed for the success of our play. All of us could hear the audience talking and screaming. My heart pounded fast as I waited for the show time. Finally, I heard the audience screaming and shouting as they saw Mrs. Reck coming on the stage. “Oh, I am dying right now,” Shirlene squeaked, sitting down awkwardly on the elevator. While Mrs. Reck was explaining about our comedy show “Romeo and Winifred”, I kept trying to calm my nervousness. As we heard Mrs. Reck’s last word “Enjoy the show,” the actors and actresses behind the curtain turned off the light and the music. I could hear the audience’s excitement. After three seconds, they turned on the bright spot light and the Italian music. “Here we go,” Pricilla whispered, smiling awkwardly.
Following the Italian music, the chorus came in. They set the chairs and waited for the music fades. Then the music stopped. It was finally our turn. Shirlene quickly played the CD in the radio. First, Pricilla and I tried to climb the wall. We growled loudly to make a big gesture. Everyone giggled, watching our shaking hands on the wall. However, I made a mistake. Since I did not know there was a bell on the top, I just dropped it from the stage with a loud sound. ‘Oh, shoot,’ I bite my lips. However, I knew I had to keep going, so I tried not thinking about that mistake. Then, we stopped climbing as Shirlene pressed the “up” button on the elevator. We took our funny positions as we were rising up in the elevator. I could see the audience laughing. I felt like we were the super heroes because of our hero positions. The stage was brighter than I thought. As the music fades, Pricilla started her lines, “Two merchants both alike in revenue…” “To sell their wares, make violence and do such acts as make their,” as I finished my lines, I disappointed of my low voice. However, I kept trying hard as best as we could although I felt dizzy in the spot light.
During the second scene, I made a big mistake. I supposed to say aloud my lines in Act one, but I accidently confused with my last lines on the last part of the play. ‘It’s okay. I can do this,’ I whispered in my mind. Therefore, I quickly changed my lines while I was saying wrong lines. Thankfully, nobody seemed to notice it, and I did not make any mistakes after that. However, our Drama kids started messing up with their lines, since they became tired and lazy. The climax of our play, pie scene was the worst. When Brian, Tybalt hit Matt, Mercutio with the pie, Brian could not control his great power, so he almost broke Matt’s neck with it. Although Matt’s neck did not break, Matt got shocked that he was unable to do the rest of the play. All of us freaked out; the mood around us got worse after the horrible pie scene. Our play got worse and worse as we tried hard. As we finally finished the play, I went out to the stage with my partner, Pricilla to bow in front of the audience. Pricilla and I planned to do something special for bowing, but we both forgot to do that since we were busy to make huge smiles. However, the worst part was that I almost slipped on the floor, and I could hear the audience laughing. I was so embarrassed that I could feel my hot face. When all of us came out and bowed to the audience, we could hear them clapping, but we could also hear some of them saying “Boo” to us. I guessed that was the worst day of our play.
I like this a lot, you really showed the way things happened with the details! I'm glad the play didn't actually turn out that way.
The window rushed out the window of our car and made a vacuum noise. In the car, I was sitting there with my sister and us trying to calm my cousin down was hopeless. She came from Seattle to visit and she was hopping up and down awaiting the thing she wanted to do for years. As we arrived, we parked at the Daisy parking lot. We had to carry her down the escalator since she was scared of it. As we entered the tram area, she happily squeezed in there and she was sitting on my dad’s lap. My dad was squished and when we got off, he said he’d rather walked all that way. The first thing that we did was get a signature and picture with Chip from Chip and Dale. As we continued, we stopped occasionally to wave to characters walking by. We saw the princesses and my cousin went crazy. After we got pictures of them, we walked to our first ride, The Nemo Submarine. The line for this ride took about one hour and it was worth the wait, at least for my cousin. The ride was showing us the entire Nemo movie in a short ride. After we went to other baby rides and my sister and I went to all our favorites like Space Mountain while my dad took my cousin to all the baby rides. As we came out, our dad took us to lunch when we had pizza and we went to watch my cousin and my sister do some princess thing. We walked out and we all went to the It’s A Small World ride and we came out and got some ice cream. As we walked around, we walked into a store and just saw what they had there. As it became time to leave, we all got tired and we got on the train and headed to the car on the tram. We suddenly remembered the fireworks and headed back. The fireworks there were so pretty, the dragon came out in the show. There were things projected into the water. After this we had a soup dinner and we finally headed back after the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. We finally dragged ourselves to the car and drove home. When we got home, my mom and aunt were still awake. We got home at One A.M and they were still awake. I was too sleepy to say anything. I dragged myself to bed and closed my eyes.
Alter The Ending
When I was 9 my dad was offered a job in L.A. that meant I had to leave my friends behind. I always wondered what might’ve happened if we didn’t end up moving. It wouldn’t necessarily be a good or bad thing, it’s more of in between. Life would be much different.
“Happy Birthday Kevin!”
“Are we going anywhere for my birthday?”
“If you’re asking if we’re moving, of course not!”
“I guess we aren’t moving to L.A. after all. How long will we stay here? “
There’s a bunch of good and bad. I would’ve never met the nice and cool people who live in Arcadia and Temple City. I wouldn’t have wished to be in L.A. if I never met anyone here. On the brighter hand, if I stayed in Richmond Hill, I would have my old friends, cousins, and the place where I lived most of my life. If this ever happened, my life would be very different. I would be going to a high school I just learned about; instead of one, I would want to be a part of.
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