Tuesday, June 29. 2010
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Two character trying out for the same thing
Pop! Bang! Swoosh! The sound of soccer balls flying into the back of the white lace net. The net shaking with every contact with the ball. The sound of cleats pounding onto the floor, coaches yelling at players to do things right, and kids shouting in frustration every time they miss a shot surround the soccer field. Two kids in particular are trying out this year. One of the boys struggles to get his shot right. That doesn’t stop him though. Every time he misses a shot he hustles over to retrieve it, chasing it down before it gets to far. However there is another boy, he is excellent at this sport. Following his brother’s footsteps, trying to make the Varsity soccer team. He make precision passes, striking shots, but there is one flaw within him.
“Hey boy go get your ball,” yelled one of the coaches.
“Why he gave me a bad pass, its his fault.”
“It wasn’t a bad pass, you just didn’t hustle to the ball,” one of the boys trying out said.
“Shut up! It was a terrible pass, I can make that with my eyes clothes.
“Hey! He’s right you didn’t hustle, you just watched it go right by you,” the coach said.
“What’s your point I’m going to make the team anyway,” said the boy with a smirk on his face.
What he did not realize was that the Varsity coach was watching the situation, but decided to let it play out. He wanted to see what the boy was going to do. As he watched he noticed another player. This boy was not as talented as the one he had just seen, but he didn’t care. He watched him hustle after passes, chase down misses shots, and take responsibility for his own mistakes. So when it came time for him to post the list of who made the team he knew who he was going to take.
As the list went up, a crowd of people immediately surrounded it. The cocky boy came up and as he did he said, “Watch out, coming through, Varsity player on his way.” Little did he know what was about to happen. As he approached the list a serious expression took over his face.
“Yeah boy!” one of his friends said, “You made Varsity!”
There was a silence.
“You made Varsity right?”
“No!” the boy said, “I didn’t. How could I not have made it, I was the best.”
As the other boy was reading the list he jumped for joy as he saw his name on the list of people who made the Varsity team. He did not realize the other boy was listening.
“Yes! I made it!”
“What how could you have made it, and I didn’t. I’m way better than you.
“Maybe,” one of the players said, “he made it because he tried harder than all of us here. He hustled way more than you. I mean he’s not great, but he worked hard so, I guess he deserved it.”
Some parts of the story needed commas. Try reading it back to yourself. Other than that, it's a great story! A few mistakes, but that's okay.
Just punctuation problems and places where it sounds a little low leveled. Good plot.
It was a good story overall, but the ending was kind of off. I think it would have been better to either continue on with his Varsity life, or maybe continue on the cocky kid's life.
John Doe and Jane Deer were fighting. They were fighting about their marriage. The two 5 year old children were married. Well, in their minds at least. However, their marriage was about to break.
“John, how come you didn’t buy me a ring?”
John was confused. Why would he buy her a ring?
“Why would I buy you a ring?”
Jane was insulted. She couldn’t believe that her husband forgot their anniversary.
“It’s our anniversary dummy! You were supposed to buy me a ring pop!”
John was insulted.
“Well, you didn’t come to my birthday party yesterday!”
“Yeah, well, I would have come to the birthday party if you got me a ring today!”
Apparently, she didn’t realize that was impossible.
“Humph! I don’t like you anymore!”
“Me neither! We should get divorced!”
They looked away from each other, sulking. This was how the teacher found them. Sulking and pouting in a chair. When she heard that they wanted a divorce, she laughed and put them to bed.
Jonathan Lee and Janet Truong were fighting. Again. They had been on and off for the past year and a half, and their friends were tired of it. They stopped getting into the couple’s arguments after the first few times.
“Hey, Jonathan, why didn’t you get me flowers?”
Jonathan sneered at her and said, “’Cause I didn’t want to!”
Janet was angry.
“Hey, you know you were supposed to get me flowers today right?”
Jonathan gave her a disdainful look.
“Yeah, whatever. I’m not interested into you anymore.”
Janet started sniffling.
“W-What? H-h-how can you s-s-say this??”
She ran off crying.
The next day, the two found new people. A month later, they were back together.
Brian Wang just got home from work when he felt “it.” “It” was the feeling he got that something was wrong, or he forgot something. He cautiously walked through the gateway to the kitchen. He saw his wife crying and went to comfort her, but was shocked when she slapped him.
“Hey, what was that for!”
His wife, Tina Wang-Truong, stood up shakily.
“I can’t believe you cheated on me!”
He was shocked. What? Cheat on her? What was she talking about?
“What are you talking about? Who would cheat on you?”
She raised his phone up. He forgot it that day while he was rushing to work.
“Look! Tell me you’re not cheating on me!”
He took the phone from her hands and read the message. It read: From Tara: I need you now.
He looked at his wife.
“Honey, Tara’s my boss.”
Tina froze. She felt a bit sheepish.
The first one was cute, I guess you could say. The second one was good, just short.
Such a sad story. But i think you rushed into the sad part a little too soon. Get to know the character first. But i loved it. It made me feel emotional.
I guess i did rush things a bit. I think i accidentally put the idea at the end. The fighting part.
I like all the sotries. Especially the one about the 5 yr olds.
The chapters are very unique, also I like the different names
HAHAHA chapter 1 made me laugh WAY TO MUCH. the ring pop and divorce and stuff. I think it was funny and all, but I got confused in chapter 3. I don't know...I think it was the Brian and Tina thing.
Nice stories. A bit short, but fun to read. Good job!
Gabriel sat in a box on the floor of the living room, looking out at his sister. “Wachel,” he said, “Can I get out of the box?”
“No, you have to stay there. I kidnapped you for money, and Mommy and Daddy have to give me a bazillion gazillion nine hundred dollars before I give you back” said his sister, Rachel. She was sitting on the floor, next to Gabriel’s box, writing with an orange crayon on a sheet of paper.
“But how will Mommy and Daddy know to give you the money?” inquired Gabriel, leaving over the edge of the box, which went up to his waist, to see what Rachel was doing.
“I’m writing a ransom note.”
“What’s a wansom?”
“Wwwrrwansom.” Rachel sighed. Her little brother was so frustratingly dumb.
“Ransom is the money people have to pay kidnappers when they want their kids back. You know, like in the movies.” Rachel, at seven, had watched a lot of action movies where people kidnapped the president or stole paintings from famous museums. Gabriel, who was four, had never seen a movie before, and did not know what they were.
“What’s a movie?” Rachel didn’t want to answer, and began reading her ransom note aloud.
“Dear Mommy and Daddy,” she read, “please give me a bazillion gazillion nine hundred dollars for ransom because I kidnapped Gabriel and you have to give me money or else I’ll throw him into the river and the alligators will eat him.” Gabriel gasped.
“But I don’t want to be eaten by awigators!”
“You won’t, stupid. Mommy and Daddy will give me the money, and then you can get out of the box.” Rachel folded her note.
“Mommy said you can’t call me stupid!” Gabriel whined, jumping up and down in his box.
“Mommy! Daddy!” Rachel yelled, ignoring her brother. Their mother walked down the stairs.
“You have to read my ransom note.” Rachel held it out. Her mother read through it with her left eyebrow raised.
“Dave! Come here!” she called.
“I was called?” asked her husband, as he took the note from his wife’s hands. “A bazillion gazillion dollars?!” he exclaimed exaggeratedly, putting on a surprised expression. “Well, Carol, what do you think?”
“I think,” said Rachel’s and Gabriel’s mother with mock seriousness, “That we should resolve this over dinner. We’re having tuna casserole tonight!”
“Hooray! Tuna casserole!” Rachel threw up her hands, and her father picked her up.
“Hooway! Tuna cassewole!” said Gabriel, imitating his sister. His mother lifted him out of the box, and carried him down the hallway to the dining room.
During dinner, Gabriel whispered to Rachel, “Being kidnapped was fun. We should play it again sometime.”
Rachel just shook her head at how silly her little brother was.
Wait, so Gabriel gets perfect English in his last sentence? Okay...... Anyway, it was good. Very short and to the point.
He, just can't pronounce his Rs. There weren't any Rs in his last line.
Angel its really funny and the alligator part is hilarious
I love this story! It's a great way to write the kidnapping prompt.
Ahaha that was so cute! I can totally imagine my little sister (she's 3 but SUPER smart for her age) kidnapping me for a box of lollipops or something...
fighting over who should pay at a restaurant
“Common cutie, let’s go eat at that fancy restaurant.
The happy couple, Philip and Sarah walked into the restaurant, thanking the waiter for keeping the door open. Soon, they were sitting down at a table, holding each other’s hand softly.
“I love you,” they said to each other, kissing and having fun. They quickly ordered their stuff and waited. First, they both had chicken broth soup with peas. Then they ate pizza and spicy chicken wings. At last, for dessert they devoured a delicious crème brulee.
After eating the last bite, they both asked for the check to come. The waiter took it over quickly and placed it on their table. Philip grabbed it first and looked at it, $40.56.
“I’ll pay,” he said.
As he took out his wallet, Sarah slapped her credit card on the table with a smirk and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll pay.”
“Don’t be silly, I’m the man here,” Philip picked up her credit card and put down a $50.00 bill.
Sarah took the $50.00 bill and announced, “No my love, I’m paying, put my credit card back on the table.”
Philip shook his head and said, “I’m the one who took you here, you are the guest, I am paying. Now please put my $50.00 bill back on the table.”
Sarah said, “I offered to come here and I ate most of the food, therefore, I’m paying and that’s that… no more fighting, put my credit card back on the table!”
Philip sighed and placed 5 $10.00 bills on the check, and then he put it at the edge of his seat where Sarah couldn’t reach. Feeling as if she was going to lose, Sarah got up and grabbed the check. She handed him back his money and tried to take her credit card while Philip was trying to grab the check.
They wrestled like that for one minute when they heard someone say, “Um… are you guys done here? I mean… are you paying? You’d better pay or else…hello?”
They broke apart and stared at the waiter who stood fidgeting besides them.
“So… can you pay for it?” He asked, eyeing the check in Sarah’s hands.
“Of course,” replied Philip, attempting to hand him his $50.00 bill that Sarah gave back. Sarah snatched it before the waiter could take it and managed to swipe her credit card from Philip.
“Here, use this,” she said breathlessly.
“You know…” the waiter started to say, “You could each just pay for half… you know… compromise… “
“True…Why didn’t we do that earlier Philip?” Sarah said, looking at Philip.
Shrugging he said, “Whatever, here’s a $20.00 bill.”
So, they each paid half of the bill and everyone was happy again.
Ah yes, the Chinese Table Fight. Happens every time. The first word has a spelling error. It's Come on, not common. Other than that, it's good.
That was a very funny passage. It sounds very Asian. I agree though it does seem like you were rushing in the end.
Very funny! I had to experience that several times too! Great job!
“Goodbye,” I murmured, “Forever.”
I forced a smile onto my face. He didn’t notice that my smile was fake, and he didn’t hear the “forever” part. That was good, because he shouldn’t have to deal with this, with my problems, even if he was my best friend. I closed the door on him and he left.
I went to my room. It was quiet, no one was home yet, but the quiet no longer bothered me like it did before. I would have to face this silence forever, anyways.
This would have to be quick, although I didn’t want it to be. I wanted to slowly fade away, like an old, yellowing photograph, forgotten. I can’t live like this anymore; it feels like no one cares about me, and no one ever has. My life is too much for me to deal with. I want to run away, not from home, but from life itself. I knew I was being a coward, for escaping, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t take the pain anymore, I just wanted to leave. I was never brave, never fearless; I took the easy way out. How bad can it be? I’m already living in my own, personal hell.
I took my razor, and I cut my left wrist. It hurts so much, but soon, my entire arm feels numb. Blood drips, drips hurriedly out of my veins; it’s terrifying, and it’s exotic at the same time. It comes out in a huge flood, and it falls to the floor. I can’t stop watching, I’m horrified at what I’ve down, but it’s oh so fascinating. It floods in a huge downpour, a pool of the brightest crimson I’ve ever seen. There’s so much that I wonder if somehow, I’m going to drown in my own blood.
As horrid as it was, I couldn’t look away. It was mesmerizing, hypnotizing, even. It was like a brand new picture being painted, the picture of my life. I couldn’t tear my eyes from that. Red streaks swirl around my arm. I think it’s lovely.
And then the phone rings, the noise shocking me out of my self-induced trance. I was stunned that someone would choose to call at such a moment. Gently, with my right arm, I pick up the phone and answer. A heavy voice breathes into it.
“I just needed to tell you…that I love you. More than anything. And I’d do anything, anything at all for you.”
It’s him. My best friend. The guy I’ve known since second grade.
“And I wanted you to know that I can’t live without you. I love you so much,” he continues.
My head throbs, it hurts so much. How could I be so cruel as to leave him, when he’s given me so much memories? I love him, but I can’t tell him that. He isn’t enough to make me want to come back.
“I’m sorry. I can’t…I really…I just can’t,” I say.
Tears fall down my face, I cry. I can’t live like this anymore.
With a final breath, I slit my other wrist, and watch as life slowly drains out of me.
“Goodbye,” I manage to mumble into the phone.
Blackness descends upon me, and it cloaks me in its shadow.
ANGSSTTTTTTTT!!!!! AHHHH! Ok, well, It was pretty good, but filled with extreme amounts of angst. Also, I recommend checking with your local psychiatrist to see if you have any latent suicidal feelings.
OHH MY GOSH. Jeffrey was right..there WAS a lot of ANGST! (okay, I just found out what that meant.) That was hard to read through, not because you're a bad writer but because it was so...depressing. With the slitting wrists..ugh. Good job moving me though!
It's very lovely, but the ending is a bit cliche. Why is he at her door in the beginning?
“Mom! What are you doing?”
“Sweetie, there’s just so little left to love in life.”
I was confused, not because of my mother committing suicide, but because these past few days have been the best days of my life. Father has been away on a business trip, and mom has been letting me do whatever I want. I had the opportunity to go to Disneyland, eat buffets, and get all the video games I want. Money has not been an issue for us, since dad is probably being a successful millionaire by now, and we could probably buy a house and move out of our apartment.
“Mom, why are you doing this? I’m going to call dad and asked what happened!”
She replied, “No! Your father.. is dead.”
A tear walked down my cheek, and I said, “W-w-what?”
“Your father committed suicide at the business trip in Brazil. Son, I know this is hard, but you must understand that the business was a failure. We are out of money because I spent every last penny on you to cover up your father’s death.”
I stood there speechless looking at the sky. I saw a flashback of a beautiful evening, when my father had just come home with suitcases full of paperwork yelling, “I’m home!” Those words were just casual a long time ago, but I miss them now, even as a 4th grader. I sat in the living room playing with my toys and cards, smelling the fresh cooked dinner of chicken stir-fry. In 5 minutes, my mother sang, “Dinners ready!” My father would come down in his t-shirt and sweats and I’d leave my toys on the ground and rush to the table. “So how’s work?” said mom
“Well, I have to go on a business trip tomorrow, and this could really help us!”
“Are there any risks?” said mom
“Well, if I don’t do this right, there’s a chance we’ll be homeless.”
“Oh honey, are you sure you can do this?”
“I’m positive. So champ, how was school?”
I replied, “I sort of got a 40% on my spelling test today.”
“Try harder next time, and I’ll take away your toys if you don’t.”
“Okay.” I said with a sigh. “Dad, where will I go if we are homeless?”
“Well son, I’d give my life to give you a better life.”
“Me too.” Said mom
At that moment, I knew my parents loved me, and I went to bed. I still remember that night, I couldn’t sleep so I crept out of bed and heard my parents talking to each other on the couch. I quietly eavesdropped and heard their conversation, with my father saying, “Honey, I know I’ve failed in the past, but I know this time we’ll get it for sure!”
“But.. the risks are higher than ever this time.”
“I understand that Caroline, but don’t worry, this time I’ll get it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
A breeze hit me and knocked me back to reality with tears in my eyes. I glanced over to my mom, and saw her sitting on the ledge of the building and I said, “Mom?” She turned around, and said, “Yeah sweetie?”
“I got an 87% on my spelling test today.”
“Son, be a good boy okay? Take care of yourself.”
“What do you mea-“
And with that, she jumped off the ledge of the building falling flat on her body. I looked down and bursted into unbelievable sobs, and yelled, “MOM!”
The nightfall had brought me unbelievable pain, and I did not know what to say or what to do but just stand there and cry. I did not understand the concept of life, nor will I ever. My parents gave me unreal love, and left me with nothing but tears, so I looked down the 5 story apartment building and felt fearless. I climbed over and heard a woman from below shouting, “Whats he doing?”
“I want to tell dad I got an 87% on my spelling test.”
I jumped off the ledge of the building, and that’s all I could remember.
More Angst in this one? Really? Good job though. Mr. Feraco, you have got to stop giving us these angst-filled templates.
Jeffrey, what's up with you an angst? Ahaha i STILL don't now what it means....guess it's time to look it up
So did the boy just wake up in a hospital or something? I agree with Jeffrey, angsty stories are just overdone.
ITS A 4TH GRADE BOY
OF COURSE HE DIED. HOW COULD A 4TH GRADE BOY LIVE IF HE JUMPED OFF A BUILDING!
Because you said "And that's all I could remember". Makes it seem like the boy's was alive to tell someone about it.
GIVE A GUY A BREAK! THIS ISN'T WRITTEN IN PAST TENSE.i think.
this story was okay, but i agree with the other comments about angsty stories. So did the kid die, or is he like in a hospital?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
If you like this kid, then keep him alive in your imagination
But. if you don't, then keep him dead.
Sally and Mindy were talking during break and heading towards the school bulletin to see the latest school news. When they reached the bulletin, both their eyes lay upon the same flyer that read:
Westfield High School Freshmen and Sophomore Drama Club:
All new and old members welcome!
This year’s play: The Wizard of Oz
Come in and audition on October 3rd!
The Play will be held on November 15th!
Underneath that were all the parts for the play, and which room to get the audition script from.
“Oh my gosh!” squealed Sally with joy, “This is perfect for me! I will audition for Dorothy of course! I’ve been in so many plays before, it will just be perfect for me! There is over a week to practice before auditions. This is great!”
“Well, I know I’m very shy and everything, but now that we are in high school, I think its time I try to be more outgoing. I think I will try out for Dorothy too!” said Mindy.
“Um, Mindy, there can only be one Dorothy, and obviously that will be me with my experience and talent. But you can always try out for one of the munchkins or something,” Sally said adding a smile at the end.
Hurt, Mindy said, “I’m still going to try out. I thought you would be a good, supportive friend. I guess I was wrong.”
“I’m just trying to help you face the facts…” but before Sally could finish, Mindy had already left for the class to get the practice script.
“Well then,” Sally says to herself, “I warned her, but oh well.” She too goes to the class to get the script.
Sally was busy that day with soccer practice and homework, and when she finally had free time, she was so tired she just fell asleep. She could always practice tomorrow. Mindy had a very busy schedule as well, but stayed up late just to practice the part, and even woke up early the next morning. She had never wanted anything as bad as this!
As the days went by, Mindy was getting better and better with her practice, while Sally was procrastinating and told herself she would practice the next day.
It was finally the day of the auditions! Mindy had woken up at 6:00 AM that day just to practice! She was very well prepared, while Sally was looking over the script for the first time that afternoon. Sally thought she wouldn’t have to go over it too much, since her outstanding resume would amaze them. She was wrong. Before she got on stage, Mindy smiled at her and said ‘Good luck!’ and Mindy just rolled her eyes. When she got up on stage, she could barely remember the lines and kept making mistakes due to her lack or practice. When the teacher yelled ‘Next!’, Sally starting blurting out, “B-but I was the lead in my elementary school musical, and have been singing since the age of five! You can’t do this to me!” The teacher yelled ‘NEXT!’ and this time Sally got off stage, head down.
When Mindy went on stage, the audience was completely silent, staring at her grace and perfect lines that only true will and hard work could bring. When she was finished, the teacher stood up and clapped her hands, and the rest of the audience soon followed.
“My dear, say good-bye to the name Mindy, and hello to Dorothy! You got the part! Meet me here right after auditions are done to get your own script.” the teacher said merrily.
Mindy had a tear come out of her eye, full of joy. She had never been so happy. She glanced over at Sally, who was also mesmerized by Mindy’s performance. When Mindy came off stage, Sally came up to her and said,
“Gosh Mindy, you were amazing! I am so sorry about what I said before! You totally deserve the part! I’ll see you on stage November 15th!”
“Thank you Sally! No harm done! It was you who even got me all hyped up to even practice so hard!” And together both girls resumed their friendship and walked out of the auditorium.
The End ~
Rainbows! And Happiness! Weeeeee!!!!!!! It seems a bit too upbeat compared to the other stories on here.
Yeah it is sort of too happy. I tried to add a bit of conflict. Thank you for the advice!
There's not much of a middle, it's more like just a beginning and an end. Like an oreo with thick cookies but very little cream. It's still really good, and the ending is sweet.
Yeah I think I should have added more cream! I should have added on to the middle. Thank you for the great advice!
Sucks for Sally! It's a good story, Shreya! But yeah, your story is soooo happy compared to the other ones.
Ya I know, next time I will add more plot! Thanks for the great advice!
Awesome story! I love your plot and ideas! Great job!
One Character Kidnaps Another
“Hmmmmm! Hmmmmm…!” yelled a muffled Tomas.
“Shut your mouth!” yelled back Jack.
They were both in Tomas’s house, but Tomas was in a bundle. He was tied up, and bleeding from both legs.
A few years ago Jack had joined the FBI. Jack was in a different branch of the FBI though, a branch that conducted missions confidential to anyone not part of the branch. This branch was called District 7. When Jack first applied for the FBI, not knowing that there was another class of FBI, he excelled in everything, especially stealth, firearms use, and close combat. One year later, Jack worked for the FBI, and the Chief of District 7 called up Jack. The things that Jack greatly excelled in were things that were required of the people of District 7.
“How’s about you come over to my office and we’ll talk of a promotion for you,” Chief said to Jack.
“I’m sorry sir, but I have work to-“
“That’s an order son, not a suggestion.”
Jack had been looking forward to a promotion and a raise for sometime now, after finding out that no one has seen any skill like his in the tests. Jack quickly tried to keep up with the Chief’s pace, and they took a seat in the Chief’s grand office. Jack was told briefly about District 7, and the Chief suddenly asked, “Well, are you up for it?”
Jack liked District 7, and responded, “Yeah! You bet I am!”
“Good, ‘cause even if you said no, we’d still make you do this because you can’t leak info from District 7 to other sectors, and we wouldn’t waste a man with so much skill.”
After this, Jack was given his first assignment, the thing that led him to tying up Tomas in his mansion. Tomas ran one of the largest Black Markets in the world, making billions of dollars in just one day, compared to the billions of dollars other people make by having to invest for many years. When Jack walked into Tomas’s mansion, Jack wore everything that was rich. He looked so rich, Tomas thought that he was a very important customer. What he didn’t know was that all his guards had been knocked out cold and unconscious, allowing Jack entry without permission. This thought was a mistake, a mistake that would lead to the fall of the greatest Black Market owner.
“Ay! Hello there. What would you like from my market? I can see that a man as wealthy as you would only take the best of the best, am I right? How about you take a seat? I’ll fix us up some drinks, and then we can talk business,” said Tomas.
“Okay then, Thanks,” replied Jack.
“Do you drink, er-“
“Jango sir, and you must be Tomas, and I correct? And no, water is fine.”
“So, what are you looking for among my finest wares?”
“I’m looking for something that will make me stand out from the rest of the crowd. Something that shows that I am the second most richest man in the world, you being the first as everyone knows.”
This guy is being suspicious, how did he get in? Why is he being such a suck up? Why won’t he take a swig of wine if he is so rich? Why doesn’t he have his own guards if he’s so rich and buys off the Black Market? Tomas thought to himself. “Yes, yes, I understand. I once had that sort of feeling as well. Do you know what would really make you stand out?”
“You, being a dead body!” exclaimed Tomas as he whipped out a gun, and began to fire in the direction of Jack.
Jack ran for cover, and pulled out his own gun, starting a firefight in a single room. Where are my men, why aren’t they helping? Tomas thought. In this brief moment of thought, Jack took aim and fired. The bullet submerged itself in Tomas’s leg, and Jack fired another shot, bringing Tomas to his knees, his gun on the floor. Jack then quickly tied up Tomas, and dragged him out of the house. Jack blindfolded Tomas, gagged him, put him in a body bag in the trunk of his car, and drove back to District 7.
“A successful first mission, was it not?” asked Chief when Jack got back.
“Yes it was. I like this job way more than my old one!”
“I’ve got another mission for you then, you take a plane to Moscow tomorrow morning, you’ll be briefed there.”
“Bring it on.”
I don't think you can submerge a bullet in someone's leg. He likes shooting at people? Also, a body bag is for dead bodies. As far as I know, Tomas isn't dead.....
The sorority house is filled with loud blaring music, flashing lights, food, drinks, and with high school girls and guys. Everybody is partying and drinking punch and some are dancing crazily. There are lights flashing all over the room and people are screaming and clapping. The boys are wearing a long sleeved but folded blouse with dress pants or jeans and the girls are wearing bunny headbands, short dresses that are thigh length, and killer heels. Then the door opens. All the eyes are turned on the door. Then he comes in. All attention is focused on him. The music stops and all are quiet. Alexander walks in. The captain of the basketball team. The entire girl’s mouths are wide open and some even dropped their foods and drinks. He then swishes his luscious brown hair to the right and with his chestnut colored eyes and shows off his pearly whites and some of the girls scream and faint. Then the party resumes. Then as he barely walks only three steps, a beautiful blonde girl comes towards him. She is a stunning blonde dressed in a velvet dress with purple high heels and wearing a choker around her neck. She smiles at him flirtatiously with her straight white teeth and gives him a look with her se green eyes. She waves at him and he waves back.
“ Hey handsome.”
“ Uhh… hey.”
“ So how’s it going?”
“ I’m Emma.”
“ I’m Alex.”
“ Of course we all know that.”
She then laughs strangely and they have such a awkward moment. She then runs through his hair with his fingers and flirts with him.
Then another girl comes up to him and gives him a gentle, warm smile, not a flirtatious one. This time, she is a gorgeous brunette wearing a pink headband, pink strapless dress, and pink heels.
“So how’s the party going?
“ It’s good, why is it your party?”
“Looks good, I’m Alex.”
“Uhhmm.. You want a punch?
“Sure why not?”
Then Emma rudely interrupts their conversation because of her jealousy towards Melody.
“Hey. I’ll like on too.”
“Yeah, okay… I’ll go get one.”
“Okay... No problem.”
He then leaves swiftly to get rid off her.
“You better back off my man before this gets ugly.”
“You want UGLY? I’ll show you what’s ugly!”
“ You better keep your moth shut you little piece of mo-
“ Hey I’m back. Here are your drinks.
Emma and Melody says in unison: Thanks.
Then all of a sudden, the hip- hop music stops and a slow song begins.
DJ: “All right everybody, we’re going to slow things down a bit.”
Alex: Hey Melody, you want to umm…
Emma: You want to dance?
She says this while running down her hand on his arm.
Alex: Umm… well... you know… yeah sure.
Emma and Alex get to the dance floor and are joined by other couples. They slow dance, Emma gives him the look, and Alex tries to avoid it. Melody glares at Emma and Emma smiles evilly.
The song goes on for 2 more minutes and Alex rushes to Melody.
“Hey Mel, you want to dance?”
“No. Isn’t it a little too late for that now? Besides the slow dance is over.”
“Well if you’re upset about Emma, forget her and she’s always like that. She is sensitive. I like you and don’t worry about her. She’ll find somebody new.”
Melody then blushes then puts her hair behind her ear.
“I’ll give you something that Emma will never get.”
He leans over and plants a kiss on her lip. Emma sees it and scoffs and she backs up and falls into a fountain. Everyone laughs and out of humiliation, she storms out of the house. She deserved that well.
“May I have this dance?”
He reaches for her hand, grabs it, and they start to dance wildly to the hip- hop song.
DJ: All right everybody! Put your hands up and shout Woo!
Life is often called cruel. This couldn’t be more true to anyone other than Nick Wu. Nick lived a mundane life. Often secluding himself to the confines of his room, where no misfortune could fall upon him. Often he considered himself a mistake of God, if not a mistake then at least cursed by God. He was your average point-dexter, only without the brains. Literally, no one liked him. His family always left in his room, never bringing him to family parties or events. Nothing went right for him, until his death day.
It was a sunny day in Maimi. It was also a hectic day, for it was the first day of spring break. The girls were dancing, the guys were drinking and the good times were spread all around. Nick, however stayed secluded in his dorm, which he shared with no one, playing W.O.W and hanging out with his online girlfriend, who had just said she wanted to break up with him when, suddenly the electricity shut off.
Nick went outside to check what was going on. Apparently some drunk college kid ran his car into a electricity pole and knocked it down, short-circuiting all the electricity in the college. Nick ran to where the car had crashed and called 9-1-1 and pulled the driver out. Who turned out to be a cute brunette girl.
“Are you ok?” Nick asked her.
“I’mb juth fene” the girl said to him, she was extremely drunk, and there were scratches on her head from when she crashed.
“Uhm, ok then, uh, just wait here for the ambulances ok?” Nick said nervously, he didn’t know what to do while waiting for the ambulance. So he ran to his dorm to get some ice and put it in a towel. When he got back the girl was back in her car, and having another beer, though where she got it, Nick couldn’t tell. As Nick ran up to her, he tripped, on his untied shoelaces. (Author’s note: Nick never learned to tie his shoes, ever so he always walked or ran with untied shoelaces. Not knowing how to tie them would be his fatal mistake.) He fell down and dropped the ice he was caring. He picked up some of the fallen ice and put it back into the towel, and placed it on her head, to stop any bleeding. He took away her beer, but as soon as he did she vomited, not on herself, but of course on unlucky Nick. By then the ambulance came by, and Nick went to the hospital, so he could explain what had happened to the doctors.
After explaining what had happened, and after the doctor checked up on the drunken girl. The doctor told him that she was fine, and had a small case of alcohol poisoning and that he would charge the medical bills with Nick. Before he could tell the doctor that he didn’t’ even know the girl. The nurse took the doctor away for another case of alcohol poisoning.
Nick sighed and went to see how the girl was. And apparently she had already awoken, but unfortunately, she awoke with a temper.
“Who are you?” she said at Nick, glaring at him suspiciously.
“I’m the guy who brought you here.” Nick said taking a seat near the door.
“Yeah well thanks for nothing, now my parents are going to kill me,” the girl glared at him some more.
“Blame yourself, for getting drunk, driving and crashing into a pole.” Nick hissed through his teeth.
“Excuse me for actually enjoying life, unlike you, you geeky little freak, I bet if it weren’t for me crashing you’d be in your dorm playing video games all day,” the girl said to him. Nick couldn’t think of a reply because he really didn’t have anything else to say. He felt like he was literally drowning in a ocean of sorrow, sinking by anchor of pain. He had really no use of society. And he finally had enough.
“Alright fine, if you want to get rid of me from you’re life I’ll be happy to do as you wish,” Nick said, and ran for the stairs.
“Wait, what do you mean? Get back here!” the girl yelled, and climbed out of the bed and chased after him. They ran all the way to the top of the hospital that was 10 stories high.
He climbed onto the edge of the building and was prepare to jump when the girl cried out, “Wait!”
“I didn’t’ mean for you to kill yourself when I said that, I didn’t mean what I said, I’m sorry,” she cried out in fear.
“It’s alright, because everything you said was true, I might as well get rid my life.”
“Just because you’re life is bad right now, doesn’t mean that it won’t get better.”
“Don’t worry, life will get better, once I’m gone, then I’ll never have to bother you again.”
“No wait, don’t go, I don’t’ want you to leave, I want you to stay!” The girl said. This made Nick stop in his tracks.
Nick turned around and said, “You’re the one who told me to get out of your life, now you’re telling me to stay? Ha! You must still be drunk.”
“No, its just that I was upset, I’m truly thankful that you cared enough for me, can you come down for me to probably thank?” She said and opened her arms as if she were expecting a hug. Nick wasn’t sure what to do, he’s never been in a situation like this before. He took a step forward to her, but his was caught on his shoelace and fell.
‘At least something went right’ Nick thought to himself before doing the hospital a kind favor of painting their asphalt red.
I'm sorry it's not stereotypical its really good. the plot is funny and cute and I asked Jeffrey for a good word to describe a plot besides" its good and stuff" and he gave me the word "stereotypical " and I didn't know what it meant and I thought it meant good and such but now I know and you can blame Jeffrey for this
“Keith? How about this one, I like the block it reminds me of the food my mom always cooked for me.” Reira commented. The couple who had been dating for three years already was looking for the perfect apartment to settle down in.
“We can take a look, but remember, we can’t stay long, Jack’s party starts in thirty minutes.” Keith responded with a sort of displeasure but did not argue.
The couple went up the long hallway and up to the elevator. Keith and Reira were looking at apartments, condominiums, and houses all day. They had been wondering the streets of Italy, trying to find the perfect place to settle down.
The owner of the house who was showing interested customers around saw the couple and led them in. They then traveled to the third floor and searched around. Then Reira saw it. The apartment, the one that she has always dreamed of living in was standing right there. With flower imprinted tiles and a beautiful kitchen, Reira looked at Keith expectedly.
The apartment consisted of two bedrooms. Keith looked around and stared at Reira. “I think it is perfect.” Keith replied as he kissed Reira gently on the forehead. Reira cried out in joy and asked the manager the price and the papers. Keith looked at her and reminded, “Um honey, the party is about to start, we can come back tomorrow.”
Reira looked at him and turned back to the manager. “Can you put this apartment on hold because we are very interested in this and we don’t have time right now to handle all the paper works.” The apartment manager looked at Reira and gave a fake laugh.
“Look beautiful, you buy it today and sign the paper works or you don’t get it. Tomorrow I am not going to open up. These people are here today to buy and tomorrow if some of the rooms do not rent out and are paid, we sell it to that old factory. I am not willing to wait.” The manager told Reira coldly.
Reira looked at Keith, and he sighed. Keith nodded his head and Reira asked for the paper works. After the papers were signed, Keith quickly drove over to the party, only to find that the best part of the party was missed and they only had time to grab a few drinks before everyone leaves. As the couple left the party, Reira apologized to Keith.
Keith looked at Reira and smiled. “At least we got the apartment honey.” The next day, the couple decided to go visit the apartment. Then they saw it, the chainsaw and the construction workers. Keith quickly asked what was going on and the workers looked at Reira meaningfully and said, “You must be the couple we had to inform. Here is the paper works. The manager meant to call you but he could not reach you. There were not enough rents so the manager sold it to the factory.
Then it happened. Keith blew. “He took Reira by the arm and took her home. Then he shouted. “Look Reira, I have been holding this long enough. You always did what you felt like doing, we go look at houses whenever you wanted to. That party last night was for my friend, that I might never see again, but I stayed with you for the paper works because I knew how much the apartment meant for you. We did not get to see my friend, the only thing that was holding back my anger was that we might still get the apartment. Now everything is a mess. Please for once can you care about my feelings for a change?” Keith yelled.
Reira looked like she was about to cry but she held back her tears and fought to stay in control of the situation, “Look Keith. You never told me that you were uncomfortable with going to look at houses. You never complained or argued. You just said ok every time. How am I supposed to know that you do not want to go if you never communicate with me?”
Keith looked at Reira and calmed down. “I am sorry. I really did not mean to blow like that. I am just upset. We spent a whole day looking at houses and it all ended up in vain. I was just upset that’s all.” Reira looked at Keith and smiled. “That’s alright. Every thing has a reason. What do you want to do today?”
That was weird...ok the LONG intro was nice... then suddenly the quick fight just rushed pass and at the end I was like 'what just happened??!?!?!"
It's a great story but I agree with Alice. I'm kind of confused cause you entered the fight in so fast.
I woke up with my long black hair over my eyes, clouding my vision almost entirely. I tried to move my hair with my hands, but they just wouldn’t budge! My body was suddenly on alert and I discovered that both my hands and feet were bound by rope and I was on the cold metal floor. A cloth stuck in my mouth and a cloth tied over my mouth made it impossible to speak. I looked around at my environment and saw that I was in a dark room with no opening to the outside world except for the door. Other than the lamp hanging over my head, the only other object was a metal chair in the corner. ‘What happened?’ I thought with curiosity. I tried to recollect memories in my brain of what I had last seen. Jon, my boyfriend, had just left the house after coming over for dinner. I stayed on the porch a little while after he was gone to enjoy the night, possibly a little longer than I should have. The last thing I remember was a rough hand with a strange smelling cloth going over my nose.
The door suddenly opened, interrupting my thoughts and he stepped in. ‘Tim?’ I wondered what he was doing here of all places. I had broken up a few weeks ago with him and I hadn’t seen him since. He was a great boyfriend, but sometimes he got too possessive over me. Tim walked over to me calmly and untied the cloth and took out the cloth in my mouth. “Tim! What are you doing here? Could you help untie me so we could escape?” I spoke with such force that it seemed like my mouth was never restricted at all! He smiled and a strange, chilling look came over his face. “Nobody is getting untied here.” “What do you mean? Why won’t you help me get out of this?” I asked in earnest. He sighed, “Jenny, don’t you understand? I’m the one who kidnapped you.”
“No. you wouldn’t have done that to me.” I shook my head in denial. He took hold of my shoulders and gave me a stare that I had seen many times during our short relationship, “Yes, I can and did. After all, you’re mine. Nobody, not even Jon can take you away from me.” I stared at him in utter disbelief and cringed when he delicately touched my cheek with his finger. His finger proved a chance for my revenge. As I chomped on it, he jerked and his glasses fell off. I used both of my feet to step on it, and his glasses became shards of glass. There was anger in Tim’s face but he controlled it. “I’m going to go get us some food ok? And some new glasses for me. It won’t take long and I’ll be back. Oh yea, you can scream but no one will hear you. These walls are soundproof.” Tim smirked and left the room and while he closed the door, I heard the clicking of many bolts. He didn’t know, but I already had devised a plan.
I waited for a few minutes, then scooted my body so my feet were able to grab a big piece of glass. I put it against the wall and started rubbing the ropes that tied my hand over it. Soon, the glass had cut the rope for it wasn’t that thick. I untied the ropes around my feet as quick as I could and turned my attention to the chair. The metal chair in the corner would prove a huge part in my escape. I grabbed a hold of it, hoisted it above my head, and waited by the door for Tim to arrive. Just as he said, it didn’t take very long for him to come back. I heard the clicking of bolts and awaited his entrance. “Jenny.” Tim cooed as he stepped through the door, confident. I smashed the door over his back and ran for my life. I knew he would get up soon, he wasn’t one to fall down easily.
It was easy to find door and I raced out of it. Being a cross-country runner, I was familiar to long distances. It was the woods outside, but I heard the faint sound of voices. It couldn’t be far and I followed the sound. I ran faster as I heard, “Jenny! Wait!” The house came into view and to my surprise, I saw the police and Jon there. After Jon saw her, he signaled the police and they ran past me, running right into Tim. Everything else was a blur after that. I was exhausted and faint from the lack of food or water. All I remember was Jon telling me that he had seen someone resembling Tim take me and he had contacted the police. They had found him pretty quickly since he went to a store to buy glasses and they could identify him. Jon also explained that they were going to surround the house in which I was in, but I had arrived ahead of schedule. I smiled the whole time he was talking, but I wasn’t really listening as we rode together in the police car back to the station. All I knew was that I was safe in Jon’s arms.
NOOOO! TIM!!!! He was so young...... Anyway, good story! Nothing much to say.
Nice story! I like the plot and idea! Great job!
Many people were trying out for the part of lead singer in the school’s rock band which was a great opportunity at the upcoming dance. Kyle, was an obedient boy and he had always wanted to sing but Eric was always causing trouble only wanting to try and stop Kyle from doing what he wanted. Eric had done this many times before but this time, Kyle was determined to get the part. First went Eric, who sang a handpicked song but everyone all of the judges and Kyle could tell that he was a horrible singer not fit for the part of lead singer. Kyle; however, was infinitely better than Eric and everyone could see, that the judges would pick him.
“Kyle Broflovski! Please come up to the stage!” yelled one of the judges.
“Yes?” said Kyle pretending to wonder what he was doing on the stage.
“You have been picked to be the school’s new rock band singer! Congratulations!” exclained the judge.
“Really? Wowie! I can’t believe it! But can I have a back up singer?” asked Kyle.
“Why not? Pick whomever you’d like!” replied the judge.
“I choose you! Eric Cartman!” yelled Kyle with a devilish grin on his face.
Nervously, Eric took the stage and the two bowed at the judges. That night at the dance, Kyle did not show up and it was up to Eric to sing with all his heart but even with all his effort, he did not do well. Eventually, everyone started laughing at him and he ran off the stage towards the bathrooms, crying. Kyle, then went into the bathroom and heard he was in a bathroom stall and went to check on him.
“You okay?” Kyle asked.
“No! I’m not okay! I just got laughed at my the whole school! Why’d you pick me anyway? You know I’m a bad singer! I hate you!” Eric said.
“Because you always try and take everything away from me! So I wanted some payback and to do that, I gave you the part, knowing you fail!” Kyle exclaimed.
Kyle left Eric crying in the bathroom and he went to fulfill his part as lead singer.
That's really....okay. It's better than the angst filled ones. Kyle's a jerk huh?
This story is soooo... well, let's not go there. the story was okay, but the ending is just flat out mean. Anyways, i think that there wasn't really a main plot to it. Maybe you should review this a bit
“Hey handsome!” I said, hugging him as Jason opened the door for me. Boy, was he buff. I stepped into the car and asked, “Jason, where are we gonna eat today?”
“I dunno,” Jason replied. “Somewhere fancy tonight.”
“What about…Cheesecake Factory?” I giggled. “I’m feeling especially romantic today.”
“Alrighty,” Jason turned to me and winked.
I wondered, what was that wink supposed to mean? Anyways, it was cute.
“Emily…I got you these,” Jason declared, handing me a couple red roses. Oh, they were so beautiful! He knows me too well to know that red roses are my favorite.
“Thanks,” I said, sniffing them.
Then, I accidentally poked myself with a thorn. “OW! Ow ow ow ow ow ow!” I chanted as I sucked on the opening. “Jason! Why didn’t you remove these thorns? Were you trying to hurt me?”
“Bosh! Why would I want to hurt you?” Jason replied, his eyes still on the road. “Do you want me to suck your finger for you?” He laughed.
I rolled me eyes. “Why didn’t you remove these thorns! Jerk!”
Jason sighed. “How many times do you have to get angry at me before we die? A million?”
Then, I realized that I was acting silly. I was angry over the roses that he had given me. “You know what? I think you’re right. I get angry easily. Sorry you have to be so perfect just to please me.” I smiled.
“That’s okay, Emily.”
We arrived at the Cheesecake Factory and Jason opened the door for me. I walked in with my nose held high and my back straight.
“Table for two,” I told the receptionist. She nodded and motioned me to go to the table beside the window.
“So…Emily. How’s everything going?” Jason asked me. I watched him run his hand through his smooth, dark brown hair.
I looked into his eyes. They glistened under the light. “Nothing much. Going to the beach next weekend. wanna come?”
“Sure, as long as I’ll be with you,” Jason winked.
I giggled. Jason’s such a kiss-up.
The waitress came with our food. I eyed Jason, who was eyeing the waitress. I suddenly became angry at him for checking her out, but I kept it inside. I knew he didn’t mean it that way.
I placed the food in my mouth carefully in a ladylike fashion. Jason stared at me. So, what now? Now he’s going to stare at me eat my food? Or is he just mesmerized by my luscious lips? Yeah, I thought, that’s probably what he’s doing.
“So, Emily,” Jason spoke softly. “I want to tell you something.”
“Is that why you were watching me the entire time?” I questioned him.
He nodded and pulled out a small velvet box. It was a dark, navy blue color. What was inside? A gift card or something?
He opened it and I gasped.
“Oh my gosh! Jason!” I got up and went to hug him. “Yes, I will! I will marry you!”
“Well, that was easier than I thought,” Jason said under his breath.
Jason slipped the ring on my finger and I giggled. It was so pretty! The diamonds and all-I think they were all real.
Jason held my face and began to kiss me. It was long, and people were staring at us, especially since we were sitting in a window seat. I knew people would stare, but I didn’t care. I was only focusing on the kiss. I think this is the first time we’ve kissed in public. It felt good. I didn’t want it to be over.
“Now, we are officially married,” Jason declared. “Sealed with a kiss.”
Now I understood why he kept winking at me. But…we’re not going to have a big marriage or anything? Just a kiss?
“Jason, what do you mean by ‘official?’ We’re not gonna have a big marriage thing, where I wear the gigantic, white, bridal dress and you wear the tux?” I asked him.
“Well, Emily, I thought you would understand. I thought this would be enough. Aren’t you happy though?”
My eyebrows furrowed. I wanted something big! With a marriage cake and people staring at us and everything! This was all wrong. Entirely wrong.
“Jason! I can’t believe you!”
“Can’t believe what? That this whole marriage thing is becoming a stupid argument? That you cannot and will not understand?”
I cannot believe he said that! His words cut through my heart. I ran into the bathroom, taking my purse with me. I did not turn around. I did not want to see his face.
When I entered the bathroom, I began to dab my eyes with the tissue. My mascara was creating dark, black circles under my eyes, and my blue eye shadow made me look like a clown. Why did I have to act so stupid? I turned a marriage into a stupid argument, just like he said! I should better go and apologize, I thought.
I stayed in the bathroom for about twenty minutes. After reapplying my make-up, I was about to go out and apologize to Jason. But then, I was caught on surprise. When I was exiting the restroom, I saw…Jason. He went into the bathroom and pinned me against the wall.
I did not scream or budge. I eyed him.
“Emily, I’m so sorry. I really am. Please know that even though it’s not a huge marriage, I still love you. I really do.” Jason whispered in my ear.
“Oh, Jason.” I smiled. “Look, I have to apologize for everything. I was the one who was wrong. Sorry I get angry so easily. I made something so little into something so big. Sorry, Jason.”
Then, the waitress who was serving us entered the bathroom. “Oh my gosh! What is he doing in here? Why is there a man in the girls’ bathroom?”
“I’m so sorry,” Jason said. “I was just looking for my wife. She was gone for a while.”
“Whoa, you two are married?” The waitress asked, eyebrows raised. “You two are like, what, eighteen?”
We laughed and exited the bathroom. I thought it was awkward since Jason went into the bathroom with me, but that’s okay. At least we have everything sorted out now. At least we’re married. I guess we’re not going to have a huge marriage, but that’s okay. If it’s fine with Jason, then it’s fine with me. He’s such a sweetheart, and I love him.
Okay? That girl is really weird. My cousin (Female One) got married without a huge marriage. They signed some papers and got hitched. Yeah. Good story anyway. You know, that would be a good name for a song or a band.
There's a Man in the Girls Bathroom!
Why is There a Man in the Girls Bathroom?
Haha, yeah sure I can totally imagine a band called "Man in the Girls Bathroom.
“Beep, Beep, Beep.” I’ve been in the hospital for over a week. I had my stomach pumped. The doctors say I should stay away from alcoholic beverages for “sometime.” I had alcohol poisoning. I watched as a nurse was rolling someone next to me on a stretcher. I asked the nurse switching my IV pack to slide the curtains open. I looked to my left and saw the patients head. The doctors had the words heart attack too many times to miss it. The man next to me was pudgy and had pale skin. On his hospital gown, I saw a nametag, which read “Paul Madison.” I thought it was nice to have someone next to me, even if the person was unconscious and ill. The doctors left the room and I looked to the side of me. There was a bottle of champagne, which my co-worker had dropped off. I thought to my self, I am 52 years old and have the same dead end job. I never married and I don’t have a fiancé. I would die if I had a glass of alcohol, but I have nothing to live for. I took my pills and drank the glass of water. I swallowed and opened the bottle of champagne with my teeth. I poured two glasses, one for my new friend Paul here and one for me. When I clinked the two glasses, Paul woke up. The champagne in his hand splashed all over my face. I wiped my face with tissue and put my glass down.
Paul asked, “Why was there champagne in my hand?”
I told him, “You were uhmm... sleep drinking.”
“Who does that?”
He looked at my wet hospital gown and my nametag. He read my name aloud.
“Mr. James Foreman let’s put that behind us. I got a question for you.”
“Why are you in the hospital?”
“Because of alcohol.”
“What about it?”
“Well I took a dangerous amount of alcohol.”
“NONE! HAHA! I’m just kidding with ya. I’m here because I got alcohol poisoning.”
“Well I’m here because…”
“Save your breath, I know why you’re here. It’s because you had a heart attack.”
“Were you trying to kill yourself? After getting your stomach pumped, I’d stay away from alcohol for a while.”
“Don’t worry about me. I got nothing to live for. I’m sure you got better things to live for.”
I picked up my cup and went in for a gulp but Paul slapped the cup right out of my hand.
Paul said, “I’m sure you’ve got more to live for than this. I mean how old are you? Thirty? forty?”
“I’m fifty-two! This is me trying to live life.”
“That’s not how to live life.”
“You still have a good forty years.”
“More like bad. I’ve got no kids and hardly enough money to scrape by.”
“Think hard what have you always wanted to do?”
“My dreams died years ago, when my wife had died. She died giving birth. What I wouldn’t give to be there. She was in this very hospital while giving birth and I was at work. After she gave birth, she died. I winded up drinking every night from that point on. I loved her.”
“What happened to your kid?”
“I sent my kid to an orphanage not too far from here. I named her after my wife Lisa”
“You should give you’re daughter a chance to meet you before it’s too late. Or maybe take her back and raise her the way your wife would’ve.”
“That’s not a bad idea. You should come along with me.”
The doctors came in and said Paul needed an operation. The next day Paul entered the room again. The doctors told Paul he had a month to live at most. Paul cried and called his wife. He told her he was going to say goodbye to an old acquaintance. His wife was crying and told her to tell the kids. We both got ready to go out and we rushed to the orphanage. I was leading the way. We were walking and a car ran over James. Paul called 911 and told the officers that a car ran over him and he was in a rush.
Paul ran faster than ever to the orphanage. He walked in with tears in his eyes. He said he wanted to see Lisa Foreman. He saw her and pulled the hair out of her face. She was only five and he said to her. Your father was a good man and he loves you very much. He’ll watch you every second of your life, from the heavens. He gave her a bottle cap from his last bottle champagne.
After this moment, Paul called for a cab and headed home. He did not live for a month. He lived for four months. He never forgot his encounter with James.
That was good! I liked it, but I got kinda confused during the last 3 paragraphs. And...who's James? Still, that was great!
James Foreman is the main character who had alcohol poisoning.
Today was a beautiful day, perfect for a picnic. We sat down in the middle of the meadow and unpacked out lunch. My best friend Michelle fell in a lake a week before and her boyfriend did not even hesitate to jump in and save her, which made me think a lot about my relationship.
“If I was kidnapped would you come and save me?” I asked my boyfriend Ethan.
“Nope” Ethan said jokingly.
“What?” I demanded
“I was joking! Of course I’ll save you” Ethan replied
“That is nothing to joke about”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be your knight in shining armor and save you” Ethan promised, but he
could not keep a straight face or contain his laughter.
Even though he said that, I still felt as if we became distant just from his jokes. He did not seem that sensitive or understanding of a topic. He never seemed to know when it is time to be serious. Nothing he did that day seemed right. If he would even joke about such a subject, what would he do in a situation like that? What if he didn’t love me anymore? As I packed up the lunch, I asked another question.
“Would you ever put yourself in a little danger to save me?”
“Why are you asking this?” Ethan replied a little angry.
“Why are you getting so upset over this?”
“Ugh, what is with you today?”
“What’s with me? It’s you-” I left that sentence unfinished and stomped away. He didn’t even try to chase after me. As I walked down the road to my house suddenly, a black car crept beside me. As I almost got to the end of the block, the car stopped. Walking away thinking that I am safe, I felt a tap on my shoulder. As I was turning around a piece of white cloth covered my nose and mouth. It tasted like oranges. Then everything was dark.
My head hurt, and I felt a sharp pain on my wrist where a rough rope dug into the flesh. I look around the room and see that it is just an ordinary kitchen. Blue wallpaper splattered with white daisies, a dinning table with matching table clothes, pots, plates and pans on polished counters.
A tall slim girl with blue-black hair walks into the cheery kitchen. She looked misplaced, a dark silhouette in a room of bright light.
“Natalie! Where am I? Help untie me from this chair!” I demanded.
“Aww…Queen Melissa is demanding something from poor little Natalie?” Natalie mocked.
“What? What is wrong with you Natalie? Queen? Poor?” I said confused.
“That’s right, you never notice do you. You with your perfect life and your perfect boyfriend, you never see the pain that I am in.” Natalie has always been a follower; she went along with what ever we did without complaint. I never thought she felt this strongly about it.
“I’m sorry” I said, “I never knew you felt that way”
“Too late, now I can have Ethan all to myself!” Natalie said with a laugh.
“So that’s what it all this is about?” I said.
“You are such an idiot you know that?” Natalie said, “You don’t deserve to live.” Suddenly I feel like something was wrong. There was a sharp silver knife in her hand gleaming like a malicious villain.
She slowly walked towards me like a lion stalking its prey.
“Don’t Natalie! I do pay attention to you! You are one of my best friends,” I said, truthfully.
“LIES!” Natalie spat.
She started walking faster towards me
As she almost reached me, the kitchen door exploded open. Ethan ran into the kitchen, the light around him looked like a beautiful halo. He ran towards me.
“STOP!” shouted Natalie. “If you come any closer I will kill her!” Ethan stopped.
“Nat-” Ethan tried to move towards me again.
“Ethan…sweet Ethan, you don’t deserve to die. You were always so sweet to me. Why did you have to be with Melissa? Well I am going to solve everything. Then we can be together.” Natalie said dreamily. Ethan took that time to run towards me, Natalie saw and dropped the knife onto my arm. Blood started spurting out, I felt dizzy. Ethan knocked Natalie’s head with a vase and she dropped unconscious. Then he took of his shirt and wrapped it around my arm to stop the bleeding. Then he picked me up and said, “Your white knight is here.” he smiled.
“You do love me”
In the background the faint sound of ambulance came. I just want to rest in his arms forever.
Eh, you know I love you, right, Ellen? Your story is good, but there are just some parts that I don't love. I just like them. Good story, still.
This is Warm and Fuzzy. It hurts. Good story. Needs more periods in your sentences.
Thanks. I didn't want to add that many periods because microsoft word kept on saying it was a "fragment" when i do put periods. And it irritated me so yeah. Fuzzy...i like fuzzy things
Oh I like this story! It's so sweet how he saves her in the end.
Aww, that was sweet! Except the name "Ethan" REALLY bothers me...that's my friend's little brother's name, so.. Anyways, it's so cute at the end, I just wish Ethan didn't get angry in the beginning.
I felt miserable. I had no date, no calls, no life. Of all the things I had to do at school, going to the dance was the worst. All the popular people always bring along their dates, but there I was, unpopular, abandoned, unwanted. I was disgusted by my everyday appearance. My face was so dirty and ugly it belonged to a monster. The only reason I agreed to go was because my best friend convinced me.
“Come on, Jamie! You have to try something new. Don’t just be the boring and nerdy person like you always are! It’s going to be an awesome experience!”
“Nah, it’s okay. I don’t feel like dancing that much. You can go by yourself.”
“Aww, Jamie! You never feel like doing anything! You never join any clubs and you hardly have any friends! I’m not going without you, so if you’re not going, I’m going to get extremely angry!”
“Fine, Janice! But don’t blame me if I look so different and ugly!”
“Yes!!! I’m so proud of you! I’ve been waiting for the dance forever! I can finally dance with the popular guys and prove to other people how good of a dancer I am! It’s going to be the best night in my life! I just know it!”
Janice sounded like she won the lottery or something. “Janice, calm down! It’s nothing special.” If I didn’t stop her, she would have burst my eardrums.
Janice just ignored me and kept going on talking about the charming boys and how she’s going to dance and everything.
Even though Janice was my best friend, we had obvious differences. While I hated going to the dance and putting on dresses, Janice thought dancing was her favorite hobby. Unlike me, Janice was popular at school. She had numerous friends and was outgoing. People always wondered how Janice and I even became best friends. The truth was, Janice cared for me, and she wanted to make friends with those who weren’t that popular.
As I stood in front of the mirror, I thought to myself that I was a different person now. I actually thought I looked beautiful in my sparkling dress and silver high heels. Nobody will hate me anymore.
The school was filled with music and noise, with eager people crowding the halls. There were girls wearing floor-length dresses and boys wearing brand new tuxedos. Everyone looked attractive and different. The first thing Janice did at the dance was hug all her other friends and compliment them on their striking appearances.
Just as Janice and I were talking with each other, an attractive boy passed by us. Both of us stopped talking and glanced at the boy more eagerly. It was the first time I was interested in a guy before. This person was the cutest boy I had ever seen. It was love at first sight. The cute boy turned around and our eyes met for a moment. His eyes sparkled under the light and he seemed to wink at me. But then, his eyes turned to Janice, and his expression immediately changed. He must have been amazed, no stunned, by Janice’s appearance. To me, it wasn’t fair that Janice was so beautiful and a target for most guys. Surprisingly, I began to get jealous of Janice. She was always the perfect one, the smartest one, the most athletic. What did I do that made everyone hate me?
Just as the boy was going to ask Janice something, I stepped in between them and faced the boy. I tried to smile at him and asked him, “Hey, what’s your name?”
The boy seemed surprised that someone would come up to him, but he answered, “My name is Josh, Josh Hunter.”
His voice was the sound of beautiful melodies to me. I was so joyful to hear his voice that I spoke my mind out, “May I have this dance with you?” Normally, the guy would ask the girl, but I was too carried away by his appearance.
Janice rolled her eyes like I was an idiot. Maybe I was, but I had to try to get people’s attention. Just then, Janice interrupted Josh and ignored my question, “Excuse me, mister, but I thought you were going to dance with me, not this ugly person. I am the more attractive one, don’t you think?”
Josh was speechless and didn’t know what to say. At that moment, an even more gorgeous girl went over to Josh and put her arm on her shoulder. “Hello, Josh. Can we go dance now? What are you doing with these girls?”
Josh turned red and looked guilty. At that moment, I realized how stupid I was. How could a guy this handsome come to the dance without a date? He obviously had a girlfriend, so why would he hang out with an ugly, unpopular girl like me? I felt more embarrassed than ever, and just wanted to run out of there.
I looked to Janice and saw that she was also turning red. I couldn’t tell if she was angry or embarrassed. Either way, I knew she felt different and hurt. All she wanted at the dance was to dance with a charming guy, but she just got turned down. I forgot about my jealousy for her and wanted to make her feel better.
Before I could reach her, she ran out the door and stood at the balcony, crying. I put my arms around her and tried to sooth her. Janice quietly told me, “Jamie, I’m so sorry. I was being such a jerk to you. All I wanted to do at this dance was to get the attention of some cute guy, but he already had someone else. I feel so bad.”
I had nothing to say. I didn’t want to make her feel more terrible. Just then, another boy came up beside us and looked at Janice. Just like Josh, his expression changed and he began to feel dreamy. Janice also noticed him and their eyes met.
The boy said, “Are you okay? My name is Tom. Umm… may I have this dance?”
That lightened Janice completely. She thought Tom was also attractive and quickly agreed. They held hands and walked to the ballroom. The couple held eye contact the entire time. So that’s how love begins. As for me, I felt glad that I was out on the balcony, alone. That was how I felt the best, always by myself. Next time, I would listen to my own opinions. Definitely, not Janice.
Mild angst. You can try to disguise it, but you cannot hide from the ANGST FINDER!!!!!!!! Good story.
HEH?! Sorry, Mr. Angst finder, but I cannot find the angst. Yepp I guess she disguised it pretty well.
that part janice tried to take the boy... oh gosh doesn't it make you wanna hate her
I LOVE THE STORY. It is so romantic. But i want to find out, did Jamie get to dance or become a better outgoing person???
OH MY GOSH i love it Jasmine! I feel kinda bad for Jamie... but I gues she likes being alone. It's a really really good story!
“Where you going” asked Max as he saw Justin getting into his truck.
“To a Party!” Max then asked Justin if he could come and Justin agreed even though he was not wearing a suit and tie. After a while, they pulled up at Nick’s house. As they picked him up, Justin and Max noticed how handsome Nick was looking today. Nick already handsome looked even better in a suit and tie and they thought that surely he would get all the girls. Nick then got into the car, turned around and asked,
“Why are YOU here?” This attitude was because Max and Nick were not the best of friends. In fact, they were enemies. A long time ago, Max and Nick met at a party like the one they were going to today. That day Nick challenged all the boys and men to who could get the most girls. The rules were,
1. You have to have at least a five-minute discussion.
2. You have to dance to 1 song
3. You have to get a phone number that isn’t fake.
They all then started and in the end the last two remaining were Nick and Max. They then had a tiebreaker 20 minutes and Nick won. They were never friends since that event. As a response to Nick saying why are you here, Max retorted,
“Well I can!”
“Then why are you dressed like THAT?”
“I CAN!” While Max and Nick were having a intense argument, Justin was having a hard time keeping an eye on the road. Finally, he said,
“Ok guys, calm down, how about this, we will a competition today between the two of you about who can get the most girls with the same rules as last time. Now this time both of you will put down some money and the winner gets all.”
“DEAL” said both Max and Nick. As they drove on this time with Justin focusing better, they both put down money. Max putting down twenty dollars and Nick putting down fifty dollars. Before shaking hands, Max was a bit hesitant. Nick was the king of this game and he was not rich enough to lose twenty dollars. Somehow, deep in his body Max decided that it was better to lose twenty dollars for the slight chance he could earn fifty. They finally arrived at the party and Justin went away with his date. Then Max and Nick went inside and start3d the competition. Meanwhile Justin was enjoying his date and was having a little chat with his girlfriend. He then thought it was the right moment to ask her to marry him. He slowly put a hand in his pocket when she stood up and said,
“Justin, I have dated you for a long time but I don’t think we are right for each other. I truly think you are wonderful but I have found myself someone better.” She then walked away as Justin wanted to go into his car and sob. He had wasted his money in buying that ring and most importantly, she did not love him anymore. As Justin walked towards the food table to see how Nick and Max were doing, he saw that Max had five and Nick had seven. He was scared for Max but was too tired, exhausted, and depressed to even eat. He just sat in the couch until Max and Nick had come to him at the end of the party. They all drove to a restaurant for breakfast and showed their number. As Justin was sitting there, he saw that Max had ten phone numbers and Nick had nine phone numbers. Max was so excited that he jumped up and down. As they called everyone’s numbers to make sure they were true, Justin called one of Max’s numbers.
“Hellooooo” Justin immediately hung up. Why would you do that? Asked Max. That was my old girlfriend sobbed Justin. As they asked Justin about his ex-girlfriend, he said that he tried to propose to her and she broke up with him. As they drove home slowly, Nick agreed to be friends with Max and they all had a blast at Justin’s house.
You need quotation marks. Seriously. Also, you should divide your stories up into paragraphs. Good story apart from that.
Nice plot! I liked the competition part. It was sad that Justin's girlfriend broke up with him. But I liked reading it! Good job!
Justin?? Nick?? Why the names? ANYWAYS.. "Justin and Max noticed how handsome Nick was looking today." That made me laugh a LOT. it just sounds SO weird. Aww, Justin;s girlfriend is ...mean!
“Hey beautiful want to spend the night with--”
“Hey angel, looking good.” my twin brother Bill interrupted me. Oh God, not again! Bill and I have been single for twenty years, because every time I had my eyes on some one, he’d be there to mess it up.
“Excuse us for a second please.” I dragged Bill away from the girl.
“Dave, what are you doing? She was totally into me!”
“What am I doing? What are you doing? I was hitting on her first!”
“Well, you weren’t doing very well.” He snickered.
“Well, it was better than that time in first grade when you shared the eraser with my desk partner and she totally rejected you because she liked my giraffe eraser more.”
“Oh, come on, it’s better than that time the girl you had a crush on for two years punched you for saying that the pink Power Ranger sucked.”
“Don’t mess with me!”
“Don’t mess with you? Don’t mess with me!” I tackled Bill to the ground and we rolled around punching and kicking each other and hurling insults. While were doing so, the girl I was hitting on walked by, she giggled and left. She was so into me.
~5 hours later~
Staggering with a black eye and scratches and bruises everywhere, accompanied by an equally battered Bill we headed home. Just then, a gorgeous girl who looked like Megane Fox caught my eyes.
“Hey beautiful want to spend the night with--”
“Hey angel, looking good.” Bill interrupted.
This is funny! I love the Pink Power Ranger. Oh, and it's spelled Megan, not Megane. Light, and comedic. Good Story.
Scenario War- Kidnapping
“This isn’t the right thing to do, I know, but my boss said that if I don’t give you to him, he won’t pay me, and you have no idea how much I need the money! The bank will foreclose on my house if I don’t pay, and I’m already three weeks late, this is my last chance. If there was any other way for me to make this kind of money that fast, then trust me, I would have already tried it, so can you please just bear with me. Thank you, you have no idea how much it means to me.” The car protested as the man in black pressed the pedal harder, and pushed the speed up ten more miles as he whipped down the empty freeway.
“Would you like some snacks? I bought some in preparation for the trip, because I thought you might be hungry, since it is lunchtime and all.” The man pulled some brightly colored bags of treats out of a plastic bag, and put them on the chair next to him. Chuckling, he realized that he hadn’t opened them for his hostage, so, using his knees to drive, he tore open the bags, put the treats all together in a bowl, and slid it back onto the seat.
“There you go Fluffy, enjoy!” The man smiled, petting the cat situated onto the seat beside him. The cat purred in response and began daintily eating the treats offered to her by the man.
“You know what,” The man said, “you are a really good cat, you know that? My boss said that you would be all picky and spoiled, but I don’t think you are. The only thing I think you could do without is the pillow you’re sitting on, but other than that, you seem like a nice cat, and I wish we could have met under nicer circumstances.” The man, once again, pet the cat. In response, the white longhaired cat looked back, and blinked slowly at the masked man. Noticing that the cat wanted him to take off his mask, the man pulled the ski mask off his head, and immediately sighed.
“I don’t even know why I had to wear this mask, it’s not like you could tell anyone my name, which is Bill by the way. You can’t even tell them what I look like!” Bill looked in the mirror and sighed at what he saw. His watery blue eyes were more gray than blue, and his face was more disproportionate than a Picasso painting. His nose was much too large for his face, his lips were a faded pink that almost didn’t show up, and his eyebrows were wild, at best. He had blonde hair, but the effects of perpetually hiding beneath a cap, made the hair always stand up on end and fight combs till the death, so instead of looking like he had tried to groom himself, he looked as though he hadn’t combed his hair in days.
“My boss says that I’m too ugly for any other job, and tall, because I’m 7 feet, so I guess you could say that’s why I became a henchman.” The cat showed her dislike at the statement by hissing, and flicking her tail at speed varying from hard to soft.
“You’re the only one that feels that way Fluffy, but thank you. When I was younger I wanted to be a pilot, I even drew myself a badge, see?” Bill took his wallet out of his back pocket and took a folded piece of paper out of it. Carefully unfolding it, he showed Fluffy his drawing, and the cat stared at it intently, blinked, and then resumed her eating.
“I know it’s not a very good drawing,” Bill said, referring to the crayon drawing, “but at least I wanted to do some good, unlike my job now.” Bill carefully refolded his badge and returned it to his wallet.
“Would you like me to turn on some music?” Bill asked, fumbling for the radio knob. “We’ll be at Mr. Mio’s home in a couple of minutes, so you might want to get some sleep-“ Bill looked down, and saw that advice had fell on deaf ears; Fluffy had already fallen asleep.
When they arrived at Mr. Mio’s house, Bill had already woken Fluffy up, and explained to her that Mr. Mio was his boss, and that he lived in Pasadena, and that he wanted Fluffy kidnapped because his ex-wife, Cheryl, had taken her in the divorce. During the explanation, Fluffy just yawned, as if being fought over by her owners was nothing new.
Upon entering the house, Bill and Fluffy were greeted by sounds of arguing and breaking glass.
“How dare you take my cat!” A woman’s voice shrieked.
“Don’t you mean our cat? She’s mine too! You just left, and took the only thing I cared about with you!” A man’s voice shouted, followed by breaking glass.
“AHA!” the woman’s voice replied, “So you admit that the only thing you cared about was Fluffy! Not me, never your wife!”
As if hearing her name, Fluffy’s head swiveled in the direction of Mr. Mio’s home office, and she gracefully leapt out of Bill’s arms and padded towards the door. Scrambling, Bill followed her and hissed, “FLUFFY!”
“That’s right Cheryl, I never cared about you, I married you because I didn’t care about you- oh, hello Fluffy, where’s Bill?” the man asked the cat. Straitening up, Bill walked into the room and said,
“Hello Mr. Mio, sorry to bother you, but me and Fluffy got here, just as you asked.”
“Fluffy and I.” Cheryl corrected, and reached out to take Fluffy away from Mr. Mio.
“What are you doing?” Mr. Mio asked incredulously, pulling Fluffy away from his ex-wife.
“Taking back my cat! You should be so lucky that I don’t call the cops on you! You and your “henchman” over there, kidnapped my cat!” The couple resumed arguing, and became so involved in each other that when M. Mio resumed yelling, he forgot he was carrying a cat, and dropped Fluffy. The cat yowled and hissed at her owners, and allowed herself to be picked up by Bill whom held her tightly out of the arguing couple’s reach.
“While you two are constantly arguing about each other’s shortcomings, you don’t look for each other’s… longcomings…? Anyway, you look for the bad instead of the good. If I spent my day thinking about all the bad I am, I wouldn’t have any time left for myself. The closest I may get to flying is when I play videogames, but at least I can still be happy. You two are just bitter, and unhappy, and I hope I never become like you. You can’t even be grateful when you have a great person, or cat, in your life. You don’t deserve Fluffy, so I’m taking her with me, and you’ll never hear from us again. Mr. Mio, I did a job for you, so I still expect to be paid.” With that, Bill walked over to Mr. Mio, picked up his briefcase of money, and left. Although Bill knew that he couldn’t take back the fact that he kidnapped Fluffy in the first place, he decided that he would make it up to Fluffy by taking her to a kitty spa, or something like that. Although he didn’t even know if they had kitty spas, he felt it was the right thing to do by Fluffy, and he would make one for her himself if he had to.
I didn't really understand the dialogue. Are they fighting about a cat?
I liked how he talked to the cat. You don't really describe what Fluffy looks like, unless you did and I just missed it. Good job.
"In response, the white longhaired cat looked back, and blinked slowly at the masked man. " 4th Paragraph from the top.
Oops, my bad. I've been staring at the computer screen for so long my eyes hurt.
In the midst of concentration, Sebastian exploded in a furry of chords. His violin no longer looked like a helpless little artifact. It’s shrills echoed though the hall as the intensity grew. Within himself, he ended the last note with pride and determination, as the orchestra came in to support him. Inspired by his success, they slashed through the ending with bursts of energy.
The crowd quickly stood up with hollers of praise. Flowers were given and the screams of many grew. In fact, they clapped so hard and long, that he had to return to the stage a third time. Even Maestro Florence was quite content with his performance as he slapped him on the back and squeezed his shoulders. It was a wondrous night.
In another town quite far away, Yin was relaxing on the couch with his friends watching T.V. They cheered as Bryant scored a three pointer from a steal that was worthy of only the best. Nachos, popcorn, and chips were all over the floor as they rested on Saturday night. His mother would probably yell at him for making such a mess, but for right now, he was perfectly content with the way he was. The game was finished and the Lakers won again. He felt pride in his hometown as they now had a winning streak of four. Everyone was happy with the outcome. “See you on Sunday!” one of his friends cried out. It was the perfect night.
The next day, Sebastian went to church and said his prayers. He spent the time with some older friends as they bragged about what languages they knew. When he came to his turn, he said, “I know English (obviously), Latin, Italian, and a bit of Spanish.” He recited texts from the bible in Latin and said a few poetic lines from Italian, but when it came to Spanish, he said, “El Pollo Loco.” Everyone laughed and slapped him on the back. He smiled as they tested each other on random knowledge.
Sunday was generally a day that Yin reserved for sleeping. He always slept late on Saturdays, so he woke up at 11:00 A.M. After eating breakfast/lunch, he ran out with his friends to play some basketball. By 3:00 P.M., they went to the Mall and got some snacks. Using his allowance, he got a game that he was saving up for and his friends and he hurried back to play. It was incredibly hard but they finally got the hang of the controls, even as random mushroom looking things kept popping out of portals. “Yes! Now we’re at the lava place.” One of his friends cried out. After playing for several hours, everyone went home weary and went to sleep. Yin kept trying to get past the lava level as he finally fell asleep on the couch. His mom came in and frowned at the mess, then kissed him on the forehead and went to bed herself.
Monday came as the election came for the most popular person in the school. Sebastian was ready, walking tall and proud as he walked on the stage with perfect timing. His speech was worthy of the most intellectual individual. Everyone clapped loudly and politely when he finished, as they felt an individual worthy of a nobleman. Many people were inspired by his writing and felt like his follower. A few more people gave their speeches until it came to Ying’s turn. He walked up the stairs of the stage like a gangster and made everyone laugh at his fall. His speech was more like a show. He performed apple juggling and made everyone explode at his pitiful fall. It was evident that he would be one of the finalists in this contest.
The contestants were quickly eliminated between Sebastian and Ying. Both of them performed their second and final speech and the vote came down to the school. Students, teachers, and staff members had a voting council. It was partially similar to the Electoral College. Each class had five votes and each teacher had one. Both finalists calculated the possibilities of winning the title of popularity. There was a thick and intense air as the announcer counted out the votes and said, “The winner of the popularity title is……… (Drum roll) Ying Yang Yuan!!!!” The crowd exploded with screams from girls, shouts from his friends, and loud obnoxious music from the band. He raised his fists in the air as pictures were taken and friends pounded him on the back. That was when he saw Sebastian leaning against a pole with helplessness. Ignoring everyone congratulating him, Ying walked up to Sebastian and pulled him towards the photographer. They took a picture together as Sebastian tried to register in his mind what had happened. This was the beginning of a bond of friendship. It was a glorious night…for both of them.
You need to separate your words. The thing seems extremely long without paragraphs. Good story otherwise.
I really like the opening, it's very vivid and sensory, and the word choice is great.
hey shreya, I like the story is really sad and romantic. You must have put a lot of feelings and emotions into this story.
It doesn't really make sense. He kisses her and she beats him up? That's a pretty funny line though.
What do you want? You. HAHAHAHAHa. Also, why the angst at the end?
A couple of your sentences in the beginning can be combined, but other than that, it's a excellent story.
It started out so sweet, and the end was unexpected. Not that it's bad, it just happens so fast.
Jana, the girlfriend of Paul is preparing for the date. After she finishes taking the shower for thirty minutes, she starts to curl her long hair. Then, she stays in front of the mirror with her clothes for about forty minutes. “Why don’t I have any nice clothes?” Jana starts to complain as she checks the time. As she finishes with wearing her lovely dress, she starts with make up. For Jana, it seems like make up does not look good on her face today. “I should wake up earlier.” Jana sighs as she looks at the clock.
Paul, the boyfriend of Jana is also preparing for the date. After he finishes taking the shower for fifteen minutes, he starts to comb his hair. Then, he stays in front of the mirror with his clothes about ten minutes. “This is perfect.” Paul starts to smile as he looks through the mirror. As he finishes with wearing his gorgeous suit and pants, he takes his time to rest. “I should wake up late.” Paul smiles as he watches the show on TV.
Jana is late for the date, and Paul waits her for a long time even though he knows it. Paul waits for Jana about forty minutes. Paul gets mad at Jana for being late even though he is used to it. However, when he sees Jana he forgets everything. She is too lovely to get mad. After they meet in the park, they start walking toward the movie theater. When they are walking, Jana is having a difficult time with walking fast as Paul. Since Paul is much taller than Jana is, he walks much faster than Jana does. Jana thinks, ‘I want to rest before we get there. Why doesn’t Paul walk slower?’ In the opposite way, Paul is also having a hard time with walking slow as Jana. Therefore he thinks, ‘I want to get there as fast as I can. Then we can rest there for a long time. Why doesn’t Jana walk faster?’ While both of them are complaining in their minds, they finally get into the movie theater.
In the movie theater, they can see many kinds of movies. Jana’s favorites are romantic movies, but Paul’s favorites are action movies. Therefore, they started to argue about what to watch for their date. “Since we are dating, we should watch the romantic one.” Jana says with her lovely voice. Now, she is trying hard to persuade Paul. “I don’t think so. I think action movies are the best when we are dating.” Paul says with his soft voice. Paul is also trying hard to persuade Jana. As they keep arguing about movies, their voices become louder and louder. Therefore, the workers in the movie theater kick them out.
After they come out of the movie theater, they sit on the ground without any expressions. Finally, Jana starts to talk, “It’s your fault. You ruined our date.” After Paul hears Jana, he turns around and shouts at Jana, “Oh, really? Who is the one who always comes late for our date?” Since Jana does not respond to his words, Paul keeps shouting. “You are the one who always comes late for our date, you are the one who always annoys me with countless texts, and you are the one who always doesn’t respect me at all!” After Paul stops, Jana also starts shouting. “Well, you are the one who doesn’t care about me, you are the one who is being lazy, and you are the one who is being mean to me!” Now, they have nothing to say. Both of them are thinking about breaking up. However, they will not break up. They still love each other although they have a fight everyday. In addition, they will be dating tomorrow, again.
It's a great story! I love it. It's romantic and sad at the same time. Good job!
“So are we still up for Saturday, Cara?” Drew asked. He loved to talk on the phone with his best friend. They did everything on the phone. They had spent more hours on the phone than minutes they had spent with each other.
“Yeah, come early for breakfast,” Cara responded. She was on break. Every day after school, she headed over there for some extra cash before college started. “Then we are gonna head over to the movies, and maybe watch “Toy Story 3” or “Prince of Persia”. Then come back here for lunch, and start working on the scenery for the play. After that, we can watch a horror movie at home, and maybe order some take-out. Sounds fine”
“Yeah, it does,” Drew responded.
“Are you sure?” Cara asked hesitantly. “Because I know you don’t like horror movies, but I guess it’ll be better if you watch it with someone else.”
Drew smiled on the other line. He knew Cara loved horror movies. He was not going to disappoint her now. “Yes my little demon, I am perfectly fine.” As long as I am watching it with you, I am fine.
“Cool, that is awesome!” Cara brightened into a thousand bulbs.
“I need to tell you something,” Drew whispered.
“Okay tell me, but talk louder!” Cara laughed.
“Hold on one second; I am in a crowd,” Drew hurried to get out of the sidewalk.
“Fine I’ll wait,” Cara plucked at her nails.
“Okay, I’ve wanted to ask you this for a long time, but I thought that after Big Bear I would ask you out.”
“Oh, and?” Cara was shocked.
“Well it’s after Spring Break now. And we already went to Big Bear.”
“Oh!” Cara was now paralyzed.
“I just want to know your answer.”
“Well, yes, yes!” Cara gladly accepted.
Drew sighed. “Okay then, good.”
Cara quickly got out of dream mode. “Wait, why now?”
“Remember when we were at Big Bear watching the kids make snowmen?” Drew hesitated to answer her question.
“Yeah, that was fun,” Cara smiled at the thought of tiny Sam making snowballs with his pudgy hands.
“And we saw that shooting star?”
“Yeah, and you made your first wish ever.”
“Well, I wished for courage,” Drew plainly said.
“Oh, for what?” Cara was confused.
“Well I wished for courage to ask you out.” Drew let his heart out to her. “And today, while sitting in AP Psychology, someone talking about the mental psychos in the world gave me courage to ask you out.”
Cara laughed, “So talking about the psychos of the world gave you courage?”
Drew glowed up. “Yes, it’s quite pathetic actually,”
“No, it’s really sweet,” Cara felt herself blushing.
“Okay then. Hey, I have to go now; I am at the park already. Hey I see Eric. Hey dude!” Drew yelled into the receiver.
“Okay then, bye Drew!”
“Wait, one more thing!” Cara hesitated to tell him.
“Well, both our wishes came true that night,” she paused.
“Cara Shimmer, you don’t know how much I am smiling right now!”
“Me too. See you on Saturday!”
“You too, bye!” Drew turned off his phone.
When Saturday arrived, both Cara and Drew dressed to the nines. Just to impress the other. But they didn’t know how much they thought each other was beautiful just like that.
Cara was ironing her shirt when her doorbell rang. She ran to it, and when she opened it, Drew stood there, holding a bouquet of roses.
“Hey beautiful!” he said.
“Well hello gorgeous!” She let him in, and he placed the bouquet down on the coffee table. Drew turned around and hugged Cara with all his love. They stood in that position for a while when she broke away and asked, “You hungry?”
“Yeah, what did you make?” he let himself into the kitchen.
“I made nothing, you’re helping me with breakfast and lunch.” Cara chirped after him.
“I see, but you know I am a klutz.” He looked back at her. Her dark black eyes were twinkling.
She walked towards him and leaned on him, looking him straight in the eye. “Yeah but so am I.” Her breath was so close to his. “I guess we’re in the same boat then.”
“Yeah, and apparently, alone.” He smiled slyly. He pulled her to an embrace.
“Come on, let’s go make breakfast!” Cara pulled away and head for the refrigerator.
Later in the day, when it was time for their horror movie, they plopped on the couch, and watched “The Haunting in Connecticut”.
“Do you like it so far?” Cara turned to Drew; he was lying on the couch next to her.
“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” Drew stared at the T.V. screen. “Hey do you want me to order now?”
“Yeah, go for it. What do you want?” Cara paused the movie.
“Let’s go Chinese!” Drew happily said. Cara smiled. Drew loved Chinese food. He could go weeks eating fortune cookies, yet not lose any muscles.
“That sounds good, do you want anything else?” Cara went towards him, handing him the phone.
“Yeah,” He looked her in the eye. “You.” And he pulled her towards him. He smashed his lips on hers. He picked her up, and headed for the bedroom.
Cara hit him with the phone she was still holding. He yelled, and hit her hard on the face. Cara yelped. He opened the door with his foot and dropped her on the bed. He began to tear off her jacket. “Take it off!” he growled through clenched teeth. Then he started to unbutton his shirt. At this moment, Cara kicked him hard at his thigh. She picked up a golden club in the bed corner and hit his back. Drew withered to the ground.
“I am sorry Cara,” he gasped on the floor. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“Get out of my house!” She screamed. “Don’t ever come back here, you jerk! I cannot believe I started to go out with you. Let alone think of you as my best friend. Get out!” She hit him one more time hard on his arm. He screamed shrilly and walked out the room, picked up his jacket and opened the door.
He turned back, “I really love you Cara, I hope you realize that and forgive me for what I did.”
Cara looked at him. His eyes were shining with tears, and a bruise was forming on his arm. “Get out of my house you jerk!” she screamed. He sighed and left the house. One of his tears fell on the carpet.
Cara sat down in the kitchen corner and wept. Her best friend was gone, so was her boyfriend, and so was her happiness.
The gods sat on their thrones, circled around a brazier where a bonfire burned. In the fire, images shimmered. Zeus, Athena, Ares, and the other gods watched as a mortal warrior cut down entire ranks of his enemies. Ares, the god of war, stared at the fire the most intently. The warrior was from Sparta, the city in which all citizens took up military training and learned to become the greatest warriors in all of Greece. As the god of war, Ares found much entertainment watching the Spartan fight. Ares did not care for the mortal except as a great source of amusement. At that moment, Ares devised a plan that would provide with much more entertainment from the Spartan.
At the gates of Sparta, a large group of warriors walked into the city. Behind them were the results of their attack on Athens: a small collection of Athenian slaves. Once the soldiers reported their success to the king, they were each granted with one of the Athenians to work for their homes. One of the warriors, Stronios, returned to his home with a well-muscled Athenian. Once there, he was greeted with his wife and daughter, Calliope.
“Father, who is the guy in chains?” she asked.
“I have brought home an Athenian. He should be helpful in this household,” Stronios said. He turned to the Athenian. “What is your name, Athenian?”
The slave looked up and spoke rather bravely for one who was recently captured and enslaved. “My name is Satarius.”
“Well, Satarius, you are now a slave for my family. Your freedom cannot be granted except by the word of me or my wife.”
For the next week, Satarius loyally worked for Stronios and his family. He served his family and worked to help provide money for their family. However, during this time, there was a lack of conflict within Greece so Ares, without any form of entertainment, turned his attention to the Spartan who had amused him so much before.
Back in Sparta, Stronios was practicing combat outside of his house with his family and his slave. Suddenly, the sky darkened and Stronios found himself in a battlefield with enemy soldiers all around him. He found himself filled with rage and instinctively attacked the soldiers. Moments later, he found himself back in Sparta. Around him lay the bodies of his wife and Calliope. Satarius stared at Stronios with wide eyes.
“What happened?” Stronios screamed. “How did this come to be?” He turned to Satarius. “How did this happen?”
“They died by your hands, but it did seem to be you who controlled your body. During that moment, your eyes glowed with a red light,” he said with his eyes wide with fear.
“My family is dead. The gods will not forgive this act. There is no point in living now. My life must end.” He picked up his bloody sword and pointed it at his chest. “I grant you your freedom, Satarius.
Satarius grabbed the sword and flung it aside. “Even if you are the one who enslaved me, killing your own family is not something any man would do of his own free will. I cannot let you kill yourself, Stronios.”
“It is not your place to decide whether I should die or not. Nightmares of this act will haunt me for all eternity. Death is my only escape.” He picked up his shield, slammed Satarius unconscious with it, and picked up the bodies of his wife and daughter. After giving them a proper funeral, he grabbed a horse and fled from Sparta.
Minutes later, Satarius awakened. After remembering what had happened, he rushed off and questioned the citizens about Stronios’s whereabouts. After learning that he had fled the city, he took a horse and raced off in pursuit. An hour later, he found Stronios standing at the edge of a cliff overlooking the Aegean Sea.
“Stronios! Cease this madness!”
Stronios turned his head and looked at him. “I intend to do just that. Once I am in the realm of Hades, I will drink from the River Lethe and erase all the memories of my sins. That will be my escape from this madness.”
Just as Stronios was about to step off the cliff, a woman materialized right next to him. She wore armor and carried a shield and a spear. Her entire form flickered with power. “I cannot allow you to do this.”
After recovering from his shock, Satarius knelt. “Lady Athena. Why have you come?”
The Goddess of Wisdom looked at Stronios. “Before you do this, Spartan, I would like to tell you something. The death of your loved ones was not your fault. You were manipulated by a god.”
Stronios grew angry at these words. “Who was it? I will hunt them down and kill them.”
Athena looked down at him. “It was my brother Ares, the God of War. Apparently you provided him with a good source of entertainment. He did this to amuse himself with your reactions.”
Stronios stood there stunned. Then, he stepped away from the cliff made a vow to himself. He would get his revenge on Ares and make him suffer.
When Calliope says, "Who is the guy in chains?" it would sound more true to the story if she said, "Who is the man in chains?"
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